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October, 2010:

Let Go Of Fear: How To Gain Power Over Emotion

Fear is a very powerful emotion. In fact, some say fear is the primary motivator in many people’s lives. Because of the prevalence of this common state it is important to be aware of its potential effects.Two of the most dangerous characteristics born out of anxiety of any kind are self-centeredness and arrogance.

The Power Of Fixation

When a person allows his angst to consume his life, he traps himself into the position of thinking about and talking about what he is afraid of as often as possible. The people around him are held hostage by these constant conversations. He may become so consumed by his phobias that he builds protective walls around himself .These barriers usually consist of  self-righteous opinions and assertions that confuse those around him.

Whether a person becomes self-centered or arrogant as a result of his fears, the end result is the same: he will have a complete lack of intimacy in his life.

Learn To Respond

When you go in for a routine physical, a common experience is the reflex test. The doctor takes the rubber mallet and gently raps the knee. The leg instinctively kicks out as a reaction to this strike. If the doctor is standing in front he may take a direct kick as a result of this reaction.The result is similar when you react to  fear. There is an innate expectation for something to go dreadfully wrong and as a result, you may lash out at the people around you. The most common reaction to fear is anger. When you react out of anger, you generally say or do something you later regret. Some attitudes have developed after years of repeated actions. After much repetition these reactions become ingrained. People in your life are subject to emotional backlash.

Live In The Solution

Becoming aware of patterns of negative compensation for emotional instability is half the battle. The priority then becomes developing a plan of action to change. When you are able to act in a more positive manner you have the power to let go of any emotion. Seek the help and guidance of someone who can provide you with simple solutions. As you change what you do your emotions will follow suit. With consistency and practice you will gain confidence and see change in your relationships and other areas of your life.

Remove The Clutter From Relationships:How To Release Negative Patterns

In any relationship, the process of removing clutter starts within. It begins by identifying limiting beliefs and perceptions that no longer serve a useful purpose. These beliefs and perceptions may manifest in the form of scriptsthat have been handed down for generations. It is possible to suddenly realize negative relationship patterns in several areas that have been present for years.

When these patterns become evident, there may be a feeling akin to being cluttered. The thought of a specific person may create an immediate reaction of anxiety.  There may be a situation that needs to be addressed directly, but the prospect of candid communication is terrifying.This can be an indicator of limiting beliefs manifesting in relationships.

Removing the clutter allows you to determine which relationships fall into which category. With a quick assessment you may realize that there are negative patterns of behavior that you’ve wanted to change all along.  You may also discover that there are destructive relationships you’ve wanted to end.  However, you’re not going to know that until you stop for long enough to do an accurate assessment.  Some of these take a simple decision to change, followed by a plan of action. If you were cleaning your garage you would notice items out of place along with things you just want to get rid of. See box; remove box.  Discover C-clamp; place on shelf.The same is true when taking inventory of relationships.  Some may require more effort and extra help, but the willingness to take an honest look gets you started. Relationships are like spring cleaning in that once you have a plan and begin putting in the work, it flows.  Your confidence builds.  Your self-esteem builds.  You see some changes go on in your life.

It is possible to stop tripping over the emotional boxes in your life.  There will be relationships you rediscover andconnections that will be strengthened.  You will be able to finally deal with  toxic relationships that take up unwanted space in your head.  You will be open to more possibilities.  Removing the clutter creates the space needed to welcome what’s new and possible in your life. You’ll be amazed, as you remove the clutter, what opportunities begin to show up.

Intimacy In Relationships: Is It A Challenge Or A Chore?

How do you view establishing intimacy in relationships? Do you view it as a way to challenge yourself and stretch your emotional muscles? Or do you view it as a daunting chore which will never be accomplished?Depending on where you stand with this issue says a lot about the level of closeness in your relationships. Intimacy can be an easily misunderstood and scary topic to discuss but it is a critical ingredient in a complete life.

Intimacy In Context

Intimacy is defined as close familiarity or friendship. It is established by being engaged and connected with others. This engagement allows vulnerability for both involved parties.  Most people would agree that the establishment of a deep level of closeness enhances the quality of life. Any successful relationship involves a degree of intimacy. This applies to personal, professional, and romantic relationships.

Rising To The Challenge

When a fear of intimacy is identified the task then becomes determining how to transcend the aversion in order to establish bonds. Usually this fear is rooted in the belief that others aren’t trustworthy and will inevitably cause pain. This can be overcome by realizing that each relationship is unique and shouldn’t be based on situations from the past.

Face The Fear With Fun

Establishing intimacy does involve emotional risk. For many, the risk involved strikes terror. As with anything else, an attitude of fun and enthusiasm allows some of the fear to subside. Some examples of facing these fears with an attitude of fun include:

  • spending time with people doing things you both enjoy
  • laugh with people….. a lot
  • approach people who seem to be relaxed and approachable

Getting close to people doesn’t have to feel like work. It is difficult for most people.  With a change in attitude, establishing intimacy in relationships can become a challenge worth accomplishing. How can you change your perspective in this area?

Do You Have Relationship Trust? How To Connect With Confidence

Relationship trust can be elusive, particularly for those who have been hurt in the past. Although trust can be an ambiguous quality, it is vital in creating meaningful and lasting connections. Anyone with a strong desire to build relationship trust is capable of finding the necessary steps to do so. These steps include identification of past hurts, the willingness to let these feelings go, and the determination to seek and find people with whom it is possible to build relationship trust.

Establish Self-Trust

“Self trust is the first secret of success.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first area to explore is trust with self. Often a person has difficulties building confidence in others due to a lack of trustworthiness. If honesty or integrity have been a challenge there will be an innate mistrust of others. The development of personal honesty in all interactions is the first priority.

Let Go Of Past Hurt

It is common for people to establish negative relationship patterns due to pain from past experiences. Many fear that acknowledging these situations is the equivalent to opening Pandora’s box. In reality, the toxic memories are kept alive through denial. In order for the past to lose its grip on today’s decisions these painful recollections must be accepted. Once they are accepted it is possible to let go of these feelings by following some simple, although challenging, steps:

  • Make a list of painful memories
  • Seek a counselor, coach, spiritual advisor, or friend with whom these memories can be shared
  • Follow the advice of this trusted advisor to establish positive patterns in the present

Relationship trust is essential to establishing strong bonds. These deep connections are vital to a fulfilling and rich life. It is always an option to find a more positive direction particularly when there is a willingness to seek help and guidance.