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Balance,Beliefs,and Relationships

Relationships can be very complicated, and these complications are increased when your life is out of balance.

Balance is achieved through being aware of your belief systems and noticing how they affect your physical, emotional and spiritual states. Belief systems include everything from perceptions of spirituality to the value of money. When you have a strong belief about something, you form your opinions, make decisions and form relationships based on these beliefs.

For example, if I believe in order to have success in life I must achieve a certain level of financial income, I will make it my mission to reach that financial goal. I will believe my happiness depends upon that goal. People who are severely religious base their entire lives on the dogma of their chosen religion. Anything that deviates from that belief system is unacceptable and is subsequently rejected.

Our external life is a reflection of our internal belief systems, and the same holds true for our relationships: they reflect our internal belief systems and these beliefs form our reality.

It is very important to know what you believe and why you believe it. Throughout my life, my belief systems have changed. For example, I grew up in a specific religion; however, as I got older, this particular religion stopped meeting my spiritual needs. It’s not because the religion is flawed or because everyone who participates in it is wrong; it simply stopped providing me with what I was seeking. Rather than blame this religion and do everything in my power to debunk it, I chose to look in a different direction to find spiritual fulfillment.
It doesn’t make sense to automatically try to destroy something because we don’t agree with its philosophy or because we have chosen to find something else. We try to fight it out of fear, and fear creates a very limited scope of the world. People who are negative about what they don’t believe never seem to find pleasure or joy in anything. Having a solid idea of what you believe and why you believe it, without the fight, will enable you to pursue ideas with joy to further your growth. Focusing on what you disagree with will only stop you from having an open mind and being able to relate to others.

Here are a few important points to keep in mind:

•    Your belief systems are reinforced by your actions. The combination of action and belief forms your reality.
•    Once you are aware of your limiting belief systems, you have the power to let them go!
•    Your relationships will become more intimate as you form a clearer definition of success and happiness.
•    Your personal mission statement is formed by your definitions of success and happiness.

Pay attention to what you believe and how you reinforce these beliefs. Your actions will provide you with the guidance you need to determine what is truly important to you. With this knowledge you are empowered to enhance all of your relationships.

It Begins With You

“Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.” ~Arthur Rubinstein

Are you in a lot of conflict right now? Does it seem like you’re swimming against the current?Do you feel resistance to your dreams and desires?

There are times when we all feel this way. To me these feelings are indicators of a lack of compassion and connection. When you are compassionate, there is a flow to life. Even if things aren’t going exactly the way you believe it should, you are able to find acceptance. We spend so much time focused on the performance and behavior of others that we forget a better world starts with me.

A sense of connection is vital to success. In order to connect with people we must find common ground on which to relate. When the common ground is discovered as a result of compassion the relationship has a much better chance to flourish. Some simple ways to remain aware of your level of compassion are:

  • Do you look for similarities or differences between you and others?
  • Are you able to find opportunities to allow your experiences to benefit people with whom you come in contact?
  • How often do you follow inspirations to perform acts of service?

There is no better time to love than right now. Circumstances and people respond to the energy generated by you. Pay attention, be present, and take advantage of the opportunities to make your world a better place.


2855271953_e32f64d1b7Connection is vital to a fulfilling and joyful life. We connect with people, spirit, and purpose. When we don’t feel a sense of connection, we feel adrift and without direction. It is so easy to get caught in the trap of trying to please others while neglecting our own sense of self. Re- establishing a sense of connection is not difficult. It may be uncomfortable, or sometimes painful, but not difficult.  The two most important factors are to keep things simple and to be honest with yourself. Here are some exercises which can help simplify this process:

  • Make a list of your most common activities, such as work, school, hobbies, etc. Next to each of these activities write down why you do them. This is just for you (unless you want to share it), so be honest.
  • Make a list of what you would love to do (if there were no limitations)
  • Write down the names of the significant relationships in your life and determine if these relationships support your purpose (if not, dig a little deeper to determine if this lack of support is due to your lack of communication)

The idea with these exercises is to provide you with some insight into your definition of happiness. When you have a clearer definition of happiness, it is easier to figure out how to connect with your purpose. It is also easier to connect your purpose with spirit and to connect with people who nurture your purpose.

Everyone is important. Your presence in the world is vital to someone, probably more people than you could possibly be aware. Take the time to let go of any limitations you place on yourself and any walls you put between yourself and others. Take the time to connect.

Photo Credit: alles-schlumpf via Flickr

Thoughts on Humility

2325686115_9baa8eafd4Photo credit:Toni VC via Flickr

This will involve a paradigm shift for most people. This idea is certainly a shift for me. I, like most people I know, have always been aware of the importance of humility. Although humility is sometimes difficult to achieve or maintain, it is critical to peaceful living. Unfortunately most people believe in order to be humble we must put ourselves down. The idea behind this concept is to deflate the ego.

I agree that too much pride can be extremely destructive. I have certainly made many mistakes as a result of holding on to too much of it. However, to believe humiliation is the key to humility is an unfortunate mistake. Many are taught to be hard on themselves and gentle to others. I understand the idea behind this philosophy, but I completely disagree.

Kindness creates kindness. When I attempt to practice humility through self -deprecation, being kind to others becomes an act of desperation. This desperation is due to the need for any positive interaction. The problem is the humility seems false and the other person feels used. It may not be obvious but this has a tremendously negative effect on all relationships.

Seeing your own positive characteristics does not make you vain. What makes someone vain, or inappropriately prideful, is when the actions do not match the internal beliefs. In other words, if I am attempting to convince the world of what a good person I am but internally I am constantly judging others, I will come across as arrogant and prideful.

Listening to the positive feedback you receive from people will strengthen your character. Many believe that “reading your own press clippings” will create inevitable self-destruction.” It is important to hear positive feedback. The problem occurs when someone feels they have earned praise dishonestly or through means of manipulation. There are many simple ways to achieve and maintain humility. Here are a few:

  • Be honest in all situations
  • Be genuinely you
  • Seek feedback as often as possible
  • Respond to the feedback you receive, positive or negative
  • Be vulnerable so you connect with others 

All of these steps are simple and can be practiced daily. Do your best to be exactly who you are today. When this is the case, humility comes naturally.

.477956183_2f43df7e0dPhoto credit:Jaimie Sun via Flickr

2008:A Year of Learning

My biggest reflection on 2008 is on how much I learned. Here are my examples:

  • I released my first book
  • I decided to become a professional speaker
  • I decided to become a coach along with running treatment centers
  • I hired a coach to assist me in these new endeavors
  • I attended Jack Canfield’s Breakthrough to Success Seminar and enjoyed it so much that I attended the Advanced version two months later
  • I left the country for the first time in my life; by going to Canada and Germany

What a wonderful year. My family is healthy and happy, I feel a new motivation to grow and learn, my employees are wonderful, and my life is filled with joy. I am starting the new year filled with excitement and hope. How about you?


How do you define yourself? Is it your job? Maybe your possessions? Perhaps your spouse or partner defines you. Your family history? Your country or region? Your chosen religion? This list of questions could go on ad infinitum. The reality is that no matter how we try to define or identify ourselves nothing we find will fully capture our essence.

There is a tremendous amount of freedom in this understanding. I am not saying that the only road to happiness is to give up all worldly possessions and loyalties (although there may be a ton of wisdom to gain in this). I am merely trying to point out the degree to which we limit ourselves. 

None of this is a new idea nor is it meant to be. I have learned a lot over the past year about the process of disidentification and it has helped me in my ability to feel free. Our personality is only a part of what reflects our true essence and being. We should never confuse our personality with who we are. 

Practice enjoying your quirks and idiosyncracies. Take notice of your preferences. Enjoy who you are. Most importantly remember that your personality is ever changing, it does not define you. It never has to stifle your essence.