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January, 2010:

Don’t Judge Your Feelings!

It is important to identify the fears stopping you from accomplishing your goals of falling in love with your life and building intimate relationships with others. Having a desire to change is essential to this process. It is also important to be aware of the feelings attached to these detrimental fears. For example, I know the feeling I get when I am manifesting my fear into anger. It’s the kind of fear that rests in the pit of your stomach. When I have that feeling I automatically go into a defensive mindset. When I am defensive, I want to attack someone or something.

Once I identify the feeling, I am alerted to what is happening. This feeling creates a level of discomfort which empowers me to change. Without it, I may not find the motivation to change. Through this acknowledgement I am able to let go of my fears and anger and return to joy.

Drop the Judgment

Don’t fall into the trap of believing your feelings are right or wrong, good or bad. Accept that they just are. By letting go of self judgment, you empower yourself to appropriately respond to your emotions. These feelings are guides. They are indicators as to whether you are moving in the direction of happiness and joy. You can change the way you associate with your feelings.

Three Simple Steps

  • Observe and acknowledge when you have strong emotional responses
  • Notice the labels you place on your emotions
  • When you find yourself in self-flagellation as a result of a feeling, remember it is words and actions that have an effect, not emotions. If you don’t like how you feel, change what you do

You possess the power to change the way you feel. It isn’t as complicated as it may seem. Keep things simple and take it easy with how you think of yourself.

You Are Responsible

The more you are able to recognize your patterns of fear and negativity, the more you can create positive and loving relationships in your life.

Fear and negativity are fed by false and negative beliefs about the motives of other people. As a result of these limiting and fearful beliefs, many people use flawed definitions of relationships, such as “Relationships are hard work” and “Relationships are 50/50,” to justify isolation and loneliness. If you see other people as enemies who are trying to take advantage of you, then it will be very difficult to feel a true sense of connection and closeness. When you are able to truly take responsibility for your decisions and actions, you can form definitions of relationships that are rooted in love and enhancement.

Grow Without Pain

Relationships can certainly be complicated. When people come together at any level, there are belief systems, preferences, and motives to be acknowledged. This process does not have to be painful. Although it can be scary, and sometimes frustrating, building positive healthy relationships is one of the key factors in a joyous life experience. The biggest challenge is deciding whether you have the willingness to take responsibility for your behavior.

• How you live and perceive life is a choice.

• A close relationship consists of each individual’s 100% commitment to its success.

• Flexibility is essential in building strong relationships.

• The only actions you can truly control are your own.

• Building relationships can be complicated. In order to build strong relationships you must take responsibility for your own actions.

Intellect Over Emotion: Successful Business Relationships


As an employer, I depend upon my employees having a 100 percent commitment to their jobs. They depend on me having a 100 percent commitment to mine. As a result of these commitments, we have strong work relationships.

A successful business is built on strong relationships.

Whether it is the employer to employee, co-worker to co-worker, or the business’ relationship with its clients, a business cannot succeed without all of these relationships functioning in a positive manner.

A business relationships’ success is predicated on an individual’s ability to be 100 percent committed to it. If the relationship was viewed as 50/50, one party would be in a position to do nothing but react to what the other party is doing. When people are reactive, their emotions are overriding their intellect. As a result of this dynamic, solid decisions are more difficult to make.

Intellect before emotion!

Business relationships sometimes begin as a result of emotional attraction. However, an honest assessment of compatibility must be made. As in any other relationship, the emotions are only one consideration. Here are some simple questions to answer when evaluating a business, or any other, relationship:

  • What value do I bring to the other person, what do I have to offer?
  • What value does the other person offer me?
  • How will this partnership benefit everyone involved?

Having the ability to answer these questions honestly will have a dramatic affect on your success. Any relationship should provide benefits to all involved parties.

Achieving a balance between emotional motivation and sound judgement is a challenge. Without finding this balance it is difficult to build and maintain relationships that have merit. Take the time to think through why you are involving yourself with something or someone. Know what your values are and stick by them. In your business and personal life these attributes will benefit you.