Rotating Header Image

September, 2010:

How To Define Success and Happiness: Pursue Your Passions And Dreams

Sep 29th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

One way to define success and happiness begins with identifying and pursuing your passions and dreams.  An extension of this definition can include doing what you love with people you love. When you are able to focus on these qualities moving forward seems to flow. This can be a challenge. It is normal to find yourself scared and insecure at times.  You may measure yourself against others and feel like you fall short of the mark.

Do You Know What You Want?

When I am secure with how I define success and happiness, I don’t have to scramble around trying to control every aspect of other people’s lives. I am more accepting of people I love going through whatever processes they need to in their lives to define success for themselves. My desire to micromanage and judge is lessened. My need for authority is in direct proportion to how I am dealing with my own self-doubt and fear.

Success Is Up To The Individual

I can’t own anyone else’s accomplishments or happiness. Regardless of the role I play as a parent, advisor, coach, boss, or friend, whomever I provide guidance to makes his or her own decisions. He or she will define success how they see fit. I may be emotionally affected by someone else’s decisions but I certainly can let go of my reactions. At the end of the day what I remember most is what I say or do, not someone else.

In order to be effective in leading others make sure you are clear about your own purpose and direction. As a result of this clarity you won’t need to focus on leadership, it is a quality which will come naturally. Satisfaction in life is something you probably desire. You may look to others for examples of how this can be achieved. People use you as a model for success as well. Honor these relationships by remaining persistent with your progress.

In what ways can you improve your focus?

How Do You React To Your Emotions? How To Change Repeated Actions

Sep 22nd, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

Most of the time the ways people react to emotions follow a pattern.These patterns create habits. For example, when someone reacts to hurt or fear by becoming angry, the anger becomes habitual. The repeated actions form the custom. In order for real change to take place, the emotions behind a reaction have to be resolved.Change often starts with movement. Eventually the heart and mind, or the thinking, emotions,and deeds, must agree for a pattern to be permanently altered.

Do Your Emotions Run The Show?

It is common to react to difficult situations by becoming emotional. However, we lose personal power when emotions are in control of what we say and do. When we are able to take a step back, allow emotions to calm, and apply logic, we are less likely to say or do something we will later regret. Thinking before speaking is a challenge for most. No one is perfect in this endeavor. However, it is an area in which we can all progress.

You Choose How The Past Serves You

As years pass we gain wisdom through experience. Many of these events can be scary. It is easy to focus on how difficult certain situations were but the knowledge accrued enables better navigation through life’s events. When we choose to wallow in self-pity, the opportunity to share experiences that may benefit others is lost. How we deal with challenges is a matter of choice and perspective. We all have the power to

change our words, actions, thoughts, and feelings. If you are taking responsibility for your life and your happiness, you will use whatever steps are necessary to change your thoughts, words, and actions. This means finding a personal definition of success and happiness. The person who’s no longer reacting is moving toward something.  What is it that you’re moving toward?  What is it that you’re after?

How To Navigate Through Times of Transition and Reorientation

Sep 15th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

The world is in a major time of transition. Many have trouble in figuring out how to navigate these phases. How disruptive it will be for you is determined by two things: the inherent importance of the change that triggers those disruptive times of reorientation; and whether these changes coincide with a developmental shift happening within you. If major changes happen around you at the same time there’s a developmental shift happening within you, any reorientation will be disruptive. If your inner change coincides with the reorientation outside of you, you will find it will be disruptive for the better.

Relationships are always structured by unspoken agreements, although people are seldom conscious of it.  For example, an unspoken agreement between a new employee and a more experienced employer is that the employer will communicate clearly with the new employee and counsel, coach and guide him through how to do his job well and progress in his career. Even though this is sometimes a spoken agreement, it is certainly assumed. When the employer doesn’t live up to this unspoken (or spoken) agreement all involved parties suffer. The company is less productive, the employer is angry due to unmet expectations and the new employee remains in a state of insecurity.

Although times of transition can feel insecure for individual and groups, it is a great time to reassess priorities. Take the time to ask yourself what is important to you and why. It may be helpful to write down your answers. This helps to see whether your life and relationships reflect your priorities. When applying this to an organization, write down whether the service your organization provides is reflecting its mission.

Once you have an accurate assessment it is possible to develop a simple plan of action. Once you begin taking action, you begin to change internally with the reorientation going on around you. When you change with the times, you create a more harmonious world both in and out. Best of all, it’s a much better ride!

Respond To Transitions: How To Adapt To Life’s Changes

Sep 8th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

How do you respond to transitions? Because you are in a constant state of renewal, it is important to be aware of how well you adapt.  In his book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, William Bridges points out that transitions are comprised of an ending, a period of confusion and distress and a new beginning.

Everyone at some time in their life finds endings to be difficult. If you struggle with change, don’t worry. It is not a sign that you have some unusual problem that others don’t. There are many inspirational sayings designed to clarify that change, though necessary and survivable, is something we all struggle with. Transitions are uncomfortable, especially when they start with an ending.  The truth is, if you’re moving toward something new, you’re letting go of something else. The act of letting go, especially if a change is forced upon you, can be a difficult process.

Think about the child who deals with the divorce of his or her parents. It is a change that’s been forced upon him. Not only has the life he knows ended, he has zero power or control over that ending. The entire course of his life has been altered permanently and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Even if we haven’t been the child of divorce, we can all relate to the emotions involved in this kind of change. The feelings of powerlessness, anger, fear and hopelessness affect everyone at some point. These are common emotions that come with transitions created by outside circumstances.

The more adept you become at seeing the opportunities that change brings, the more positive those transitions of letting go will be. The more you are able to accept that moving toward something will end something else, the more welcoming you are of upcoming changes in your life.

Are Relationships 50/50? How To Build Connections For Happiness

Sep 1st, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

The belief that relationships are 50/50 is based on the premise that a positive and productive relationship is formed where two people meet at a half-way point.This belief can be dangerous because responsibility for one’s happiness is placed on another person.

Another problem in a 50/50 dynamic is the possibility of someone “keeping score.” When this is the case one party may withhold affection or build a resentment due to feeling like the relationship is out of balance. There can be an unwritten rule that “you owe me one.” In order for a relationship to feel whole each party needs to be aware of his role.  An attitude of service is diminished when someone feels that the favor must be returned.

If people are dependent upon others to “complete” them, it can be difficult to feel emotionally balanced without people performing for their satisfaction.Although it can be painful when a positive deed is not reciprocated the spirit of helpfulness shouldn’t be based solely on the philosophy of quid pro quo.

Although some relationships begin as a result of one person’s needs and another person’s ability to meet those needs, it still requires 100 percent participation in order for the relationship to become positive. Once a person finds someone who can help, he begins to open himself up and communicate what his needs are. The person who is able to meet these needs then empowers the other to make any necessary changes in life to move forward and deal with that problem.

This is not a 50/50 proposition. It is as a result of each person giving 100 percent. Both involved parties begin therelationship with some specific individual goals. Each individual finds a level of compatibility with the person to whom they are attracted. The relationship is able to begin in a healthy way because of this understanding. Do you believe relationships are 50/50?