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November, 2010:

Respond To Family Crisis: How To Avoid Drama At Home

When does a situation at home become a true family crisis? Is there a distinction between a disagreement and a fundamental problem? There are some circumstances that may be simple differences of opinion that escalate into full-blown catastrophes. Some situations that need attention get swept under the rug that lead to deeper troubles. A challenge within any family is learning how to curtail drama in order to handle conditions as they arise.

Where To Start?

One of the primary causes of family crisis is a lack of cohesion within the unit. Regardless of the make-up of a family, it is important that every individual involved be aware of the wants and needs of other members. Without clarity in this area everyone is left guessing, which only increases insecurity. This emotional instability can fracture relationships and cause long-term damage to trust. For example, when parents aren’t on the same page in terms of what is acceptable behavior, children will take advantage of this split in opinion. This isn’t because kids are naturally manipulative. It is due to the fact that human beings draw security from consistency. There are several ways to demonstrate love. One important method is clear and steady communication of values. When combined with flexibility this creates an environment of assurance and sanctuary.

Now What?

There are no relationships more important than those most immediate. One of the keys to maintaing peace and cohesion at home is having a collective awareness. Everyone may not agree on every issue but if conversations are open and honest it will be possible to resolve most problems. Begin by following a few simple steps:

  • Be clear about which issues are truly important to you
  • Don’t leave others guessing about how you feel
  • Be willing to admit when your are wrong
  • Avoid the temptation to jump to conclusions

Being able to face challenges is difficult when those you love are involved. Because of this fact it is imperative to try to think before reacting. When this is accomplished the chances for a situation to escalate are diminished. As a result, relationships grow closer and harmony is achieved.

Are Personal Goals Important To You? Know What You Want Before You Start

There are thousands of resources available today for anyone seeking ways to learn how to set personal goals. Many of the philosophies are very helpful and extremely positive. Where people often run into trouble is when they hope the technique eliminates the need for personal responsibility and action.

Is It You Or The Program?

I had a recent conversation with a client that is unfortunately very common. She was explaining to me that a program her family was previously involved with didn’t work because her son didn’t successfully complete it. As the discussion continued, she informed me that she didn’t follow all the recommendations and her son didn’t participate in all required activities. This illustrates a pervasive mentality in today’s culture: The more responsibility an individual has, the less likely it is he will follow through with his obligations.

Simplify the Definitions of Goals

I am a firm believer in an individual’s responsibility for his own happiness. I also think the more simple one’s responsibilities are, the more likely he will reach his goals. Some basic tips to establish clear targets include:

  • Ask for the what, not the how: It is easy to focus on a particular object as a goal. However, the object simply represents a feeling. Make the emotion the focal point in order to maintain flexibility in how to achieve it.
  • Taking a different route will still get you there: There are usually several different routes to any destination. Choose the one that suits you. Your choices may not be the most commonly used path, but if it works for you it is the right one.
  • Reserve the right to change your mind: As you are pursuing a goal you may decide it is no longer something you strive for. It is okay to change your mind, after all it is your goal. This doesn’t mean you have failed.

Personal goals are important but they shouldn’t be sources of stress and anxiety. Relax and enjoy your pursuits. As you do, you will find plenty of motivation along the way. Happiness is both divinely inspired and the intrinsic right of everyone!

What Is A Successful Relationship? Learn To Connect With Confidence

How do you define a successful relationship? Some would say it is a connection in which both parties see eye to eye. Others may describe it as a partnership that has mutual trust and understanding. Most agree that opencommunication is a key ingredient to a positive association. All of these opinions about successful relationships are accurate, however the most important definition you can have… is yours.

Success As You Know It

Most people inherit a partial definition of success. You may have developed one over time that works very well. It is also common to pattern relationships after those we see as children. This doesn’t mean we are powerless to change, it merely provides a basic template. As we gain our own experiences, these interpretations are either enforced, discarded or seriously challenged. In order to gain a true understanding of prosperity on any level, we must own it for ourselves. This is also true in the formation of personal and professional relationships.

Connect From A Place Of Confidence

We all experience bouts of doubt and insecurity. Every person can understand that life contains difficult challenges. One task that contains particular difficulty is establishing intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. The key is to be confident in your definitions of success, happiness and personal growth. When you are clear about where you stand, you will seek colleagues who assist you in the direction you hope to grow. Relationships, like every aspect of life, continue to evolve. Some of these natural changes will strengthen the bonds that have been established. Other transformations signal the end of seemingly strong ties. Either way, the more self-assured you are, the more you will be aware of the benefits of these evolving relationships.

Creating a clear and personal definition of a successful relationship is worth the time it takes to produce. Just remember to be confident in your own ideas, allow yourself to evolve over time and trust yourself as you use this definition to increase the joy in those you share your life with.