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What Is A Successful Relationship? Learn To Connect With Confidence

Nov 3rd, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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How do you define a successful relationship? Some would say it is a connection in which both parties see eye to eye. Others may describe it as a partnership that has mutual trust and understanding. Most agree that opencommunication is a key ingredient to a positive association. All of these opinions about successful relationships are accurate, however the most important definition you can have… is yours.

Success As You Know It

Most people inherit a partial definition of success. You may have developed one over time that works very well. It is also common to pattern relationships after those we see as children. This doesn’t mean we are powerless to change, it merely provides a basic template. As we gain our own experiences, these interpretations are either enforced, discarded or seriously challenged. In order to gain a true understanding of prosperity on any level, we must own it for ourselves. This is also true in the formation of personal and professional relationships.

Connect From A Place Of Confidence

We all experience bouts of doubt and insecurity. Every person can understand that life contains difficult challenges. One task that contains particular difficulty is establishing intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. The key is to be confident in your definitions of success, happiness and personal growth. When you are clear about where you stand, you will seek colleagues who assist you in the direction you hope to grow. Relationships, like every aspect of life, continue to evolve. Some of these natural changes will strengthen the bonds that have been established. Other transformations signal the end of seemingly strong ties. Either way, the more self-assured you are, the more you will be aware of the benefits of these evolving relationships.

Creating a clear and personal definition of a successful relationship is worth the time it takes to produce. Just remember to be confident in your own ideas, allow yourself to evolve over time and trust yourself as you use this definition to increase the joy in those you share your life with.

Intimacy In Relationships: Is It A Challenge Or A Chore?

Oct 13th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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How do you view establishing intimacy in relationships? Do you view it as a way to challenge yourself and stretch your emotional muscles? Or do you view it as a daunting chore which will never be accomplished?Depending on where you stand with this issue says a lot about the level of closeness in your relationships. Intimacy can be an easily misunderstood and scary topic to discuss but it is a critical ingredient in a complete life.

Intimacy In Context

Intimacy is defined as close familiarity or friendship. It is established by being engaged and connected with others. This engagement allows vulnerability for both involved parties.  Most people would agree that the establishment of a deep level of closeness enhances the quality of life. Any successful relationship involves a degree of intimacy. This applies to personal, professional, and romantic relationships.

Rising To The Challenge

When a fear of intimacy is identified the task then becomes determining how to transcend the aversion in order to establish bonds. Usually this fear is rooted in the belief that others aren’t trustworthy and will inevitably cause pain. This can be overcome by realizing that each relationship is unique and shouldn’t be based on situations from the past.

Face The Fear With Fun

Establishing intimacy does involve emotional risk. For many, the risk involved strikes terror. As with anything else, an attitude of fun and enthusiasm allows some of the fear to subside. Some examples of facing these fears with an attitude of fun include:

  • spending time with people doing things you both enjoy
  • laugh with people….. a lot
  • approach people who seem to be relaxed and approachable

Getting close to people doesn’t have to feel like work. It is difficult for most people.  With a change in attitude, establishing intimacy in relationships can become a challenge worth accomplishing. How can you change your perspective in this area?

Do You Have Relationship Trust? How To Connect With Confidence

Oct 6th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Relationship trust can be elusive, particularly for those who have been hurt in the past. Although trust can be an ambiguous quality, it is vital in creating meaningful and lasting connections. Anyone with a strong desire to build relationship trust is capable of finding the necessary steps to do so. These steps include identification of past hurts, the willingness to let these feelings go, and the determination to seek and find people with whom it is possible to build relationship trust.

Establish Self-Trust

“Self trust is the first secret of success.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first area to explore is trust with self. Often a person has difficulties building confidence in others due to a lack of trustworthiness. If honesty or integrity have been a challenge there will be an innate mistrust of others. The development of personal honesty in all interactions is the first priority.

Let Go Of Past Hurt

It is common for people to establish negative relationship patterns due to pain from past experiences. Many fear that acknowledging these situations is the equivalent to opening Pandora’s box. In reality, the toxic memories are kept alive through denial. In order for the past to lose its grip on today’s decisions these painful recollections must be accepted. Once they are accepted it is possible to let go of these feelings by following some simple, although challenging, steps:

  • Make a list of painful memories
  • Seek a counselor, coach, spiritual advisor, or friend with whom these memories can be shared
  • Follow the advice of this trusted advisor to establish positive patterns in the present

Relationship trust is essential to establishing strong bonds. These deep connections are vital to a fulfilling and rich life. It is always an option to find a more positive direction particularly when there is a willingness to seek help and guidance.

Do You Struggle To Accept Different Opinions? How To Avoid Conflict

Jul 7th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Do you struggle with accepting different opinions?  Conflicts often begin as a result of trying to convince someone else to see a situation the same way you do.  You have every right to your opinion and the free expression of it.  It is important to remember, however, so do those with whom you don’t agree.

As people, we thrive on validation and connection.  Having our contemporaries support and understand our viewpoints feels good and keeps our hearts open.  We experience a sense of unity and advocacy.  It only becomes problematic when one party attempts to suppress the opinions of another.

Contrasting perspectives enhance life.  Although it may be rare for someone to change their mind, being exposed to differing beliefs can be very healthy as we learn to become explorers in this complex and multi-faceted world we live in.  Through listening to someone else’s ideas we may choose to create positive change in our life, or it may strengthen our current decisions and personal power.

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”     ~ Stacey Charter

To be able to accept another person’s opinion is a symptom of healthy self-acceptance.  It is always good to know who you are, what you believe, and why you have the perspectives you do.  Enjoy sharing your insights, and even more importantly, learn to enjoy listening to the insights of others.  All of this enriches life.

Ready For A Romantic Relationship You Deserve?

Apr 21st, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Ready for romantic relationship you deserve? It is critical to have open discussions to find a healthy definition of a working relationship.



Romantic relationships can be subjects that are terrifying to talk about. However, it is critical to have open and honest discussions about this subject in order to find a healthy definition of a relationship that works. People often repeat destructive romance patterns due to an unwillingness to examine the limiting beliefs and faulty scripts that dictate romantic attraction and desire.Unfortunately, negative patterns can create a false sense of security. With a strong commitment to improve, it is possible to change these patterns permanently.

Ideally,  partnerships are formed by the combination of physical attraction, emotional compatibility, and spiritual connection.

Romantic relationships involve a tremendous amount of personal responsibility. There is no other type of relationship that requires a higher degree of intimacy. When people enter a romantic relationship without an awareness of the responsibility involved, people get unnecessarily hurt.  If people commit themselves to improving their lives and their relationships, their attitude toward romance will change for the better.

“Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but always perfect for you.”

~ Author Unknown

The key to any healthy romantic relationship is the willingness to take responsibility for all decisions, actions, and responses.

By answering a couple of simple questions, a degree of clarity can be achieved.

1. What qualities would the ideal relationship possess? (This can include physical, emotional and spiritual qualities)

2. How important is it to be a secure individual before entering a romantic relationship?

3. How does a healthy relationship enhance a person’s life?

Although emotions are at the center of a romantic relationship, they can cloud judgment.  It is critical to have a clear perspective on a healthy romance before being intimately involved with anyone. In the spirit of spring cleaning relationships, take inventory of how an intimate relationship is defined.

Once this definition is established one can remove the clutter of limiting beliefs and attract a perefect relationship defined by success and happiness. This is the kind of a romantic relationship everyone deserves.

Photo Credit:fujisan3 (Mr.mt) via Flickr