Action steps

Be Positive! Improve Your Thinking To Create Success And Happiness

Jul 14th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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It is hard to deny that so much of success and happiness is based on positive ways of thinking.  Most of us are aware that a hopeful attitude is one of the keys to the expansion of forward thinking.  Of course, optimism alone accomplishes only a part of the puzzle.  One must be willing to take action to ensure progress towards real success. The combination of positive ways of thinking, the resolve to follow through with new ideas, and the development of supportive relationships create a recipe for favorable outcomes.

“Nothing limits achievement like small thinking; nothing expands possibilities like unleashed imagination.” ~ William Arthur Ward


In order to connect with limitless possibility, it is necessary to commit to creating supportive relationships.  This can involve many challenges because supportive doesn’t always mean comfortable. Creating the right relationships for success involves being stretched beyond the normal definitions of security. Positive connections create accountability to the commitments made to grow and change. It is vital to be aware of how partnerships affect thinking.  Regular evaluations of an individual’s relationships can create an environment of growth and positive change.

A Simple Assessment To Evaluate Relationships

  • Does this relationship challenge my ideas?
  • Do conversations support expansion of thinking or suppression of ideas?
  • Does this relationship encourage compassion?

Finding the answers to these questions can provide you with tremendous insight into the condition of any relationship. Often, people will hold on to friendships and other connections because of the fear of being alone. No matter how scary honest evaluation can be, the knowledge gained from accurate appraisals is vital. With this awareness you can find a specific direction to go in to continue your personal growth. The combination of your desire to grow and a system of support makes the road a lot less treacherous.  The more we know about ourselves and our relationships, the more we can create positive attitudes, inspire action, and strengthen our resolve.

How To Keep Personal Power And End Self-Deception In Relationships

Jun 30th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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No one can make you feel anything. Your personal power can only be given away by you. No one can take it from you.  Every time you utter a statement that claims: he (she, they, or anything else) makes or made you feel a certain way, you have entered the world of self-deception. This is a pattern that can be stopped. In order to create a high level of happiness it is imperative to maintain personal power.

Change Your Mentality

Many are conditioned to play the victim role in relationships.  As a result of this self-defeating mentality, people find themselves living out negative patterns over and over again.  If you find yourself stuck in relationship patterns in which you feel your emotions are being controlled, there are a few things you can do to begin breaking the victim mentality.

  • Make a list of the relationships which bring up negative thoughts or feelings.
  • For each one, write a specific event that occurred within each relationship when you last felt stressed, angry or sad.
  • As you look at each item, determine where you gave your power to the other person.
  • Write down what you believe might have occurred if you stayed calm, confident and in your power.  How might it shift the dynamic within therelationship?
  • Develop a simple plan of action to begin your transformation towards a more positive non-victim role in each relationship on your list.

Your Power Is Yours

If a person has the power to “make” you feel a certain way, it is because you have given your power away. It can seem as if it is impossible to remove yourself from this dynamic. It isn’t. If you want this to change you must decide it is no longer acceptable to be in this emotionally submissive position.  Don’t blame other people for your emotional state. Be responsible for the condition of your relationships and enjoy the positive change towards living authentically… no matter who you are with!

Tools For A Happy Life: Three Simple Steps to Change

Jun 23rd, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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I remember one major epiphany that impacted my entire life. It was the realization that I had the power to overcome my obstacles and participate in creating a life I truly desire. All of a sudden, it seemed so simple; I needed to take responsibility for myself, define success clearly for myself and build solid relationships with supportive people. Prior to this realization, I felt like a victim of my circumstances without the power to change it. After a series of self-inflicted misfortunes and countless attempts from others to reach out, I made the decision and created real change.

The three simple steps to start your journey towards change are:

Step 1: Take Responsibility

By taking responsibility for what we can change, we open ourselves up to numerous possibilities. If we focus on having been dealt a bad hand or what others have done to us, we stay grounded in dysfunction. It is impossible to move forward while we are weighed down by misfortune; real or perceived. Taking responsibility for our part in our journey, gives us the power to start the process of real growth.

Step 2: Find a Personal Definition of Success

Many of us get caught in the trap of comparing our definition of success to others. When we clarify success for ourselves, we build a life we will truly appreciate and enjoy. When we trust our personal definition, we no longer are we subject to the judgments and opinions of others. No one is on the exact same path, so be confident in yours.

Step 3: Build Relationships with People on a Similar Path

With this new found sense of responsibility and a sense of what success is, it is vital to find support. Relationships based on shared passions and enthusiasm, help us to grow. It is not healthy to stick around those who want us to stay the same forever. Having relationships with people on a similar path of growth allows us to remain humble and teachable.

These three important steps can be the key ingredients to a solid foundation for living. With the awareness of self-responsibility, our personal definition of success and finding healthy support systems, it is much easier to create and live a life of powerful change.

Be Like The South African Waiter: Remember The Value Of Service

Apr 13th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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I love dining on cruise ships. It is one of the best aspects of a cruise. One particular dining experience stands out to me from a cruise my family took on Royal Caribbean Liberty. This experience stands out as much for the transformation I saw the staff go through as for the actual dining itself.

In our dining room we had a headwaiter, a waiter, and a waiter’s assistant, none of whom spoke English as a first language. The headwaiter was from South Africa, the waiter from Chile, and the assistant from Peru. Some of the conversations were very interesting; especially once you throw in my “hearing challenged” father-in-law.

The Issue

My family had trouble with the assistant waiter, whose primary responsibilities consisted of serving drinks and bread. He was very slow and sometimes would act as if he heard our requests but didn’t follow through. It seemed like some things were getting lost in translation. We weren’t sure if he didn’t care or if he really didn’t understand what we were saying. Regardless, this situation became very frustrating.

The Solution

The second night our South African headwaiter asked if the service was good. She was sincerely asking too, it wasn’t the pat “I have to ask this so I’m going to” kind of question, she really wanted to know. We let her know the problems we were having. She explained to us that the assistant was new and the staff sometimes had trouble communicating with the Peruvian employees, a lot gets lost in translation. She wasn’t overly apologetic; she simply expressed her gratitude for our feedback and said it would be taken care of. From that point on, we had fantastic service. The service was already out of this world, but this simple conversation made it even better. The assistant waiter never appeared surly or angry, we never would have known if anybody had spoken with him about our complaint.

The Valuable Lesson

“Be Like a South African Waiter,” means to always have an attitude of service. Always have the mindset of “How can I help.” As common a principle as this is, it is far too often overlooked or taken for granted.   Our South African waiter was of service to us, the customers, and the assistant waiter, her employee. She wasn’t simply sucking up to my family with a false “the customer is always right” kind of attitude. She sincerely wanted to help everyone involved. As a result of her attitude, everyone was helped.

Maintaining a sincere attitude of service is valuable in all relationships. One of the quickest and most effective ways to improve self-perception is to find ways to help others. Make it a point to find a way to be of service to someone every day. It isn’t a difficult or daunting task. Some examples include:

  • putting away your grocery cart
  • emptying the dishwasher
  • offering to help clean after a party, meeting, or gathering

The more you can be like a South African waiter, the better you will feel about yourself. As a result your relationships will improve, even those that are already good.

Simple Steps to Motivate Others

Mar 4th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”~ Carl W. Buechner

People are inspired by emotion. When we are able to feel something we are motivated. It doesn’t matter what the feeling is, in order to make a connection with another person there must be emotions involved.

It is easy to see the connection when there is a shared opinion or something about which both parties agree. What we often fail to see is the emotional connection created when we disagree. As a result of disagreements we often create destructive interactions. What if we were able to recognize the connection created as a result of these emotions? What if we were able to recognize the passion of the person with whom we disagree? I know this is idealistic but isn’t it something we could practice?

It is worth a try. Seeing past petty disagreements to find an opportunity to connect is certainly more productive than harboring resentment and fostering hatred. We may not always agree with everyone but we can certainly create an environment of love and understanding. You can practice creating harmony by:

  • Showing respect for someone else’s passion. This doesn’t mean to agree with everything. Diverse opinions add richness to our experiences. This means to focus on what you love before focusing on why others are wrong. This love is what inspires others. This passion is what encourages positive change.
  • Walking away from a heated exchange. Remember, you don’t always have to be “right.” It may serve everyone well to disengage from a conversation going nowhere than to get the other person to back down.
  • Admit when you are wrong. Often people will allow time to heal all wounds. In reality, until a wrong is acknowledged, it doesn’t go away. The person who made the mistake spends energy covering up, the person who was affected waits for an apology. Oops, it doesn’t just go away.

Peace and harmony in relationships can be a challenge to achieve and almost impossible to maintain. Relax, no one is perfect. However, a lot of bad blood can be avoided all together by following some simple guidelines. With a little ego deflation, compatibility is a lot more likely.

You will motivate other people whether you are aware of it or not. You will elicit an emotional response. Will it be one of enthusiasm or fear? It really depends on your ability to put your genuine concern for other people’s well-being before your pride.

Your Responsibility in Relationships

Feb 3rd, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Fear and negativity are fed by false and negative beliefs about the motives of other people. As a result of these limiting and fearful beliefs, many people use flawed definitions of relationships, such as “Relationships are hard work” and “Relationships are 50/50,” to justify isolation and loneliness. If we see other people as enemies who are trying to take advantage of us, then it will be very difficult to feel a true sense of connection and closeness. When we are able to truly take responsibility for our decisions and actions, we can form definitions of relationships that are rooted in love and enhancement.

Relationships can certainly be complicated. When people come together at any level, there are belief systems, preferences, and motives to be acknowledged. However, the process of building and maintaining a relationship  does not have to be painful. Although it can be scary, and sometimes frustrating, building positive healthy relationships is one of the key factors in a joyous life experience. The biggest challenge is deciding whether you have the willingness to take responsibility for your behavior.

  • How you live and perceive life is a choice.
  • A close relationship consists of each individual’s 100%commitment to its success.
  • Flexibility is essential in building strong relationships.

Relax with the awareness that you are seeking ways to improve your ability to live a joyful life. The condition of your relationships will allow happiness to be your focal point. Even when challenges arise you will be supported and loved. As your perspective improves, fear and negativity fall away. The limiting beliefs you have held onto no longer serve the purpose they once did. The responsibility you take for the conditions in your life will free you from the need to obsessive with your fear. As a result, your life will blossom.

Don’t Judge Your Feelings!

Jan 25th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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It is important to identify the fears stopping you from accomplishing your goals of falling in love with your life and building intimate relationships with others. Having a desire to change is essential to this process. It is also important to be aware of the feelings attached to these detrimental fears. For example, I know the feeling I get when I am manifesting my fear into anger. It’s the kind of fear that rests in the pit of your stomach. When I have that feeling I automatically go into a defensive mindset. When I am defensive, I want to attack someone or something.

Once I identify the feeling, I am alerted to what is happening. This feeling creates a level of discomfort which empowers me to change. Without it, I may not find the motivation to change. Through this acknowledgement I am able to let go of my fears and anger and return to joy.

Drop the Judgment

Don’t fall into the trap of believing your feelings are right or wrong, good or bad. Accept that they just are. By letting go of self judgment, you empower yourself to appropriately respond to your emotions. These feelings are guides. They are indicators as to whether you are moving in the direction of happiness and joy. You can change the way you associate with your feelings.

Three Simple Steps

  • Observe and acknowledge when you have strong emotional responses
  • Notice the labels you place on your emotions
  • When you find yourself in self-flagellation as a result of a feeling, remember it is words and actions that have an effect, not emotions. If you don’t like how you feel, change what you do

You possess the power to change the way you feel. It isn’t as complicated as it may seem. Keep things simple and take it easy with how you think of yourself.

Start the Year Out Right!

Dec 31st, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Yep, now is the time. Tons of resolutions will be made (and broken). Commitments galore! Many human beings seem to have an insatiable appetite for self-flagellation. Don’t be that guy (or girl). Here is a simple way to make some commitments and stick to them. Follow these steps and succeed! You will feel good about yourself and none of your relationships will suffer. Doesn’t that sound pretty cool?

It’s the beginning of a new year!

What does it mean to you?  Many of us think about changes we would like to make, commitments we want to keep, and positive habits we want to form.

Unfortunately, many of us will stop any real progress we make in these endeavors through self-sabotage.

Here are some simple steps you can take to ensure successful goals in the upcoming year:

  • Find an internal motivation. Even if the initial push to change is a result of the counsel of someone else, find an internal and self-loving reason to make this change… and write it down.
  • Set tangible and measurable goals.
  • Share your goals with someone who will support you, such as a good friend, a coach or a mentor.
  • Keep a written account of the steps you are taking to reach these goals.  No step is too small to track.  Remember to celebrate your progress.

You may have heard this advice before in some form.  There is a reason…

It works!

There is a ton of information and support available specifically designed to help you make the positive and permanent changes in your life.  Create a strong foundation by remembering why you are seeking changes.

A better life is what you deserve.

Honesty Provides Clarity

Dec 22nd, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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The truth hurts sometimes. From time to time, we all become aware of a painful or scary fact. For example, hearing a diagnosis for an illness or being told you have been laid off from a job are not pleasurable experiences. However, ignorance is not necessarily bliss.

When you choose conscious awareness, you are empowered to act with greater intention. With the right information and a calm mind, you are able to develop a plan of action to deal with any situation. There is someone who will be able to empathize and provide you with support for anything you go through if you ask for help and are open to receive it.  However, when you choose denial, it can exasperate your problem and you might feel more alone in the world.

If you feel you are facing a challenge here are some thoughts to remember:

  • Always be willing to ask questions, even if you are afraid of the potential response.
  • You can learn anything if you are willing to seek assistance.
  • Most people are happy to help you, if they can.

The fear you experience only gains power when it remains unspoken. As soon as you are willing to share with another person, much of the negative feeling dissipates. In any situation, ask the difficult questions. Afterall, knowledge is power… and extremely liberating!

Photo Credit: //K473RRY, via Flickr

Three Simple Steps To Immediately Improve All Of Your Relationships

Dec 18th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Parents want their kids to change but many of these same kids think their parents are idiots. Managers demand improved performance from their employees while the employees want their bosses to stop micro-managing. Business owners work tirelessly to build trust as some customers take advantage of the philosophy of “always being right.” Relationships can definitely present challenges. Some of these challenges are a bitch. There are times that we will all have to deal with difficult people. Sometimes those who are the most trying are the people we love the most.

One common mistake is assuming you will feel better if the other person changes. While this may provide temporary relief, the fact remains that the next time a similar situation arises you will probably react with the same level of agitation. The reaction is where the problem lies. Another person’s behavior can only affect you as much as you allow it to. However, you always have 100% control over how you react. There are three simple steps you can take to immediately improve all of your relationships. If you follow these steps, your relationship related anxiety will decrease exponentially.

Step 1: Take 100% Responsibility For Your Behavior. It is easy to fall into the trap of waiting for the other person to change. If there is a problem in a relationship, your feelings are creating discomfort. Whether another person’s actions are reprehensible or annoying is irrelevant. You only have the power to change yourself. Determine which of your emotional reactions are creating discomfort and begin to change them. There are thousands of techniques available to appropriately deal with emotions. Find which tools resonate with you and use them.

Step 2: Let Go of the Desire to Control the Other Person. Rarely do other people perform the way you want them to. It’s as if you are the director shouting instructions to a group of actors who don’t speak your language! Every human being, regardless of their relationship to you, is autonomous. Just as you create your own perceptions and make your own decisions, so does everyone else in your life. Your ability to control other people’s behavior is an illusion. If someone is giving you the authority to dictate to them, even this is as the result of their decision. By letting go of the idea that you are in charge of the happiness of another person, you allow the opportunity for a real relationship. Don’t confuse compliance with connection.

Step 3: Clearly Define the Relationship. When you have an idea of what you want from a particular relationship, you are able to create appropriate boundaries. Like anything else, a relationship is a living entity that needs to be cultivated and nurtured in order to flourish. With any relationship, answer some basic questions: why am I involved? what do I hope to gain from this? and what do I bring to the table?

Take the time to evaluate the significant relationships in your life. Determine which ones need some maintenance. Apply these three simple steps and see the immediate changes that take place. Finally, share these simple steps with others to reinforce the positive changes within you.

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