awareness

Let Go Of Fear: How To Gain Power Over Emotion

Oct 27th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Fear is a very powerful emotion. In fact, some say fear is the primary motivator in many people’s lives. Because of the prevalence of this common state it is important to be aware of its potential effects.Two of the most dangerous characteristics born out of anxiety of any kind are self-centeredness and arrogance.

The Power Of Fixation

When a person allows his angst to consume his life, he traps himself into the position of thinking about and talking about what he is afraid of as often as possible. The people around him are held hostage by these constant conversations. He may become so consumed by his phobias that he builds protective walls around himself .These barriers usually consist of  self-righteous opinions and assertions that confuse those around him.

Whether a person becomes self-centered or arrogant as a result of his fears, the end result is the same: he will have a complete lack of intimacy in his life.

Learn To Respond

When you go in for a routine physical, a common experience is the reflex test. The doctor takes the rubber mallet and gently raps the knee. The leg instinctively kicks out as a reaction to this strike. If the doctor is standing in front he may take a direct kick as a result of this reaction.The result is similar when you react to  fear. There is an innate expectation for something to go dreadfully wrong and as a result, you may lash out at the people around you. The most common reaction to fear is anger. When you react out of anger, you generally say or do something you later regret. Some attitudes have developed after years of repeated actions. After much repetition these reactions become ingrained. People in your life are subject to emotional backlash.

Live In The Solution

Becoming aware of patterns of negative compensation for emotional instability is half the battle. The priority then becomes developing a plan of action to change. When you are able to act in a more positive manner you have the power to let go of any emotion. Seek the help and guidance of someone who can provide you with simple solutions. As you change what you do your emotions will follow suit. With consistency and practice you will gain confidence and see change in your relationships and other areas of your life.

How To Define Success and Happiness: Pursue Your Passions And Dreams

Sep 29th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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One way to define success and happiness begins with identifying and pursuing your passions and dreams.  An extension of this definition can include doing what you love with people you love. When you are able to focus on these qualities moving forward seems to flow. This can be a challenge. It is normal to find yourself scared and insecure at times.  You may measure yourself against others and feel like you fall short of the mark.

Do You Know What You Want?

When I am secure with how I define success and happiness, I don’t have to scramble around trying to control every aspect of other people’s lives. I am more accepting of people I love going through whatever processes they need to in their lives to define success for themselves. My desire to micromanage and judge is lessened. My need for authority is in direct proportion to how I am dealing with my own self-doubt and fear.

Success Is Up To The Individual

I can’t own anyone else’s accomplishments or happiness. Regardless of the role I play as a parent, advisor, coach, boss, or friend, whomever I provide guidance to makes his or her own decisions. He or she will define success how they see fit. I may be emotionally affected by someone else’s decisions but I certainly can let go of my reactions. At the end of the day what I remember most is what I say or do, not someone else.

In order to be effective in leading others make sure you are clear about your own purpose and direction. As a result of this clarity you won’t need to focus on leadership, it is a quality which will come naturally. Satisfaction in life is something you probably desire. You may look to others for examples of how this can be achieved. People use you as a model for success as well. Honor these relationships by remaining persistent with your progress.

In what ways can you improve your focus?

Simple Steps to Motivate Others

Mar 4th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”~ Carl W. Buechner

People are inspired by emotion. When we are able to feel something we are motivated. It doesn’t matter what the feeling is, in order to make a connection with another person there must be emotions involved.

It is easy to see the connection when there is a shared opinion or something about which both parties agree. What we often fail to see is the emotional connection created when we disagree. As a result of disagreements we often create destructive interactions. What if we were able to recognize the connection created as a result of these emotions? What if we were able to recognize the passion of the person with whom we disagree? I know this is idealistic but isn’t it something we could practice?

It is worth a try. Seeing past petty disagreements to find an opportunity to connect is certainly more productive than harboring resentment and fostering hatred. We may not always agree with everyone but we can certainly create an environment of love and understanding. You can practice creating harmony by:

  • Showing respect for someone else’s passion. This doesn’t mean to agree with everything. Diverse opinions add richness to our experiences. This means to focus on what you love before focusing on why others are wrong. This love is what inspires others. This passion is what encourages positive change.
  • Walking away from a heated exchange. Remember, you don’t always have to be “right.” It may serve everyone well to disengage from a conversation going nowhere than to get the other person to back down.
  • Admit when you are wrong. Often people will allow time to heal all wounds. In reality, until a wrong is acknowledged, it doesn’t go away. The person who made the mistake spends energy covering up, the person who was affected waits for an apology. Oops, it doesn’t just go away.

Peace and harmony in relationships can be a challenge to achieve and almost impossible to maintain. Relax, no one is perfect. However, a lot of bad blood can be avoided all together by following some simple guidelines. With a little ego deflation, compatibility is a lot more likely.

You will motivate other people whether you are aware of it or not. You will elicit an emotional response. Will it be one of enthusiasm or fear? It really depends on your ability to put your genuine concern for other people’s well-being before your pride.

Don’t Judge Your Feelings!

Jan 25th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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It is important to identify the fears stopping you from accomplishing your goals of falling in love with your life and building intimate relationships with others. Having a desire to change is essential to this process. It is also important to be aware of the feelings attached to these detrimental fears. For example, I know the feeling I get when I am manifesting my fear into anger. It’s the kind of fear that rests in the pit of your stomach. When I have that feeling I automatically go into a defensive mindset. When I am defensive, I want to attack someone or something.

Once I identify the feeling, I am alerted to what is happening. This feeling creates a level of discomfort which empowers me to change. Without it, I may not find the motivation to change. Through this acknowledgement I am able to let go of my fears and anger and return to joy.

Drop the Judgment

Don’t fall into the trap of believing your feelings are right or wrong, good or bad. Accept that they just are. By letting go of self judgment, you empower yourself to appropriately respond to your emotions. These feelings are guides. They are indicators as to whether you are moving in the direction of happiness and joy. You can change the way you associate with your feelings.

Three Simple Steps

  • Observe and acknowledge when you have strong emotional responses
  • Notice the labels you place on your emotions
  • When you find yourself in self-flagellation as a result of a feeling, remember it is words and actions that have an effect, not emotions. If you don’t like how you feel, change what you do

You possess the power to change the way you feel. It isn’t as complicated as it may seem. Keep things simple and take it easy with how you think of yourself.

Honesty Provides Clarity

Dec 22nd, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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The truth hurts sometimes. From time to time, we all become aware of a painful or scary fact. For example, hearing a diagnosis for an illness or being told you have been laid off from a job are not pleasurable experiences. However, ignorance is not necessarily bliss.

When you choose conscious awareness, you are empowered to act with greater intention. With the right information and a calm mind, you are able to develop a plan of action to deal with any situation. There is someone who will be able to empathize and provide you with support for anything you go through if you ask for help and are open to receive it.  However, when you choose denial, it can exasperate your problem and you might feel more alone in the world.

If you feel you are facing a challenge here are some thoughts to remember:

  • Always be willing to ask questions, even if you are afraid of the potential response.
  • You can learn anything if you are willing to seek assistance.
  • Most people are happy to help you, if they can.

The fear you experience only gains power when it remains unspoken. As soon as you are willing to share with another person, much of the negative feeling dissipates. In any situation, ask the difficult questions. Afterall, knowledge is power… and extremely liberating!

Photo Credit: //K473RRY, via Flickr