Growth

Are Personal Goals Important To You? Know What You Want Before You Start

Nov 10th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

There are thousands of resources available today for anyone seeking ways to learn how to set personal goals. Many of the philosophies are very helpful and extremely positive. Where people often run into trouble is when they hope the technique eliminates the need for personal responsibility and action.

Is It You Or The Program?

I had a recent conversation with a client that is unfortunately very common. She was explaining to me that a program her family was previously involved with didn’t work because her son didn’t successfully complete it. As the discussion continued, she informed me that she didn’t follow all the recommendations and her son didn’t participate in all required activities. This illustrates a pervasive mentality in today’s culture: The more responsibility an individual has, the less likely it is he will follow through with his obligations.

Simplify the Definitions of Goals

I am a firm believer in an individual’s responsibility for his own happiness. I also think the more simple one’s responsibilities are, the more likely he will reach his goals. Some basic tips to establish clear targets include:

  • Ask for the what, not the how: It is easy to focus on a particular object as a goal. However, the object simply represents a feeling. Make the emotion the focal point in order to maintain flexibility in how to achieve it.
  • Taking a different route will still get you there: There are usually several different routes to any destination. Choose the one that suits you. Your choices may not be the most commonly used path, but if it works for you it is the right one.
  • Reserve the right to change your mind: As you are pursuing a goal you may decide it is no longer something you strive for. It is okay to change your mind, after all it is your goal. This doesn’t mean you have failed.

Personal goals are important but they shouldn’t be sources of stress and anxiety. Relax and enjoy your pursuits. As you do, you will find plenty of motivation along the way. Happiness is both divinely inspired and the intrinsic right of everyone!

How Do You React To Your Emotions? How To Change Repeated Actions

Sep 22nd, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

Most of the time the ways people react to emotions follow a pattern.These patterns create habits. For example, when someone reacts to hurt or fear by becoming angry, the anger becomes habitual. The repeated actions form the custom. In order for real change to take place, the emotions behind a reaction have to be resolved.Change often starts with movement. Eventually the heart and mind, or the thinking, emotions,and deeds, must agree for a pattern to be permanently altered.

Do Your Emotions Run The Show?

It is common to react to difficult situations by becoming emotional. However, we lose personal power when emotions are in control of what we say and do. When we are able to take a step back, allow emotions to calm, and apply logic, we are less likely to say or do something we will later regret. Thinking before speaking is a challenge for most. No one is perfect in this endeavor. However, it is an area in which we can all progress.

You Choose How The Past Serves You

As years pass we gain wisdom through experience. Many of these events can be scary. It is easy to focus on how difficult certain situations were but the knowledge accrued enables better navigation through life’s events. When we choose to wallow in self-pity, the opportunity to share experiences that may benefit others is lost. How we deal with challenges is a matter of choice and perspective. We all have the power to

change our words, actions, thoughts, and feelings. If you are taking responsibility for your life and your happiness, you will use whatever steps are necessary to change your thoughts, words, and actions. This means finding a personal definition of success and happiness. The person who’s no longer reacting is moving toward something.  What is it that you’re moving toward?  What is it that you’re after?

Your Responsibility in Relationships

Feb 3rd, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

Fear and negativity are fed by false and negative beliefs about the motives of other people. As a result of these limiting and fearful beliefs, many people use flawed definitions of relationships, such as “Relationships are hard work” and “Relationships are 50/50,” to justify isolation and loneliness. If we see other people as enemies who are trying to take advantage of us, then it will be very difficult to feel a true sense of connection and closeness. When we are able to truly take responsibility for our decisions and actions, we can form definitions of relationships that are rooted in love and enhancement.

Relationships can certainly be complicated. When people come together at any level, there are belief systems, preferences, and motives to be acknowledged. However, the process of building and maintaining a relationship  does not have to be painful. Although it can be scary, and sometimes frustrating, building positive healthy relationships is one of the key factors in a joyous life experience. The biggest challenge is deciding whether you have the willingness to take responsibility for your behavior.

  • How you live and perceive life is a choice.
  • A close relationship consists of each individual’s 100%commitment to its success.
  • Flexibility is essential in building strong relationships.

Relax with the awareness that you are seeking ways to improve your ability to live a joyful life. The condition of your relationships will allow happiness to be your focal point. Even when challenges arise you will be supported and loved. As your perspective improves, fear and negativity fall away. The limiting beliefs you have held onto no longer serve the purpose they once did. The responsibility you take for the conditions in your life will free you from the need to obsessive with your fear. As a result, your life will blossom.

You Are Responsible

Jan 18th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
1 comment

The more you are able to recognize your patterns of fear and negativity, the more you can create positive and loving relationships in your life.

Fear and negativity are fed by false and negative beliefs about the motives of other people. As a result of these limiting and fearful beliefs, many people use flawed definitions of relationships, such as “Relationships are hard work” and “Relationships are 50/50,” to justify isolation and loneliness. If you see other people as enemies who are trying to take advantage of you, then it will be very difficult to feel a true sense of connection and closeness. When you are able to truly take responsibility for your decisions and actions, you can form definitions of relationships that are rooted in love and enhancement.

Grow Without Pain

Relationships can certainly be complicated. When people come together at any level, there are belief systems, preferences, and motives to be acknowledged. This process does not have to be painful. Although it can be scary, and sometimes frustrating, building positive healthy relationships is one of the key factors in a joyous life experience. The biggest challenge is deciding whether you have the willingness to take responsibility for your behavior.

• How you live and perceive life is a choice.

• A close relationship consists of each individual’s 100% commitment to its success.

• Flexibility is essential in building strong relationships.

• The only actions you can truly control are your own.

• Building relationships can be complicated. In order to build strong relationships you must take responsibility for your own actions.

Start the Year Out Right!

Dec 31st, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

Yep, now is the time. Tons of resolutions will be made (and broken). Commitments galore! Many human beings seem to have an insatiable appetite for self-flagellation. Don’t be that guy (or girl). Here is a simple way to make some commitments and stick to them. Follow these steps and succeed! You will feel good about yourself and none of your relationships will suffer. Doesn’t that sound pretty cool?

It’s the beginning of a new year!

What does it mean to you?  Many of us think about changes we would like to make, commitments we want to keep, and positive habits we want to form.

Unfortunately, many of us will stop any real progress we make in these endeavors through self-sabotage.

Here are some simple steps you can take to ensure successful goals in the upcoming year:

  • Find an internal motivation. Even if the initial push to change is a result of the counsel of someone else, find an internal and self-loving reason to make this change… and write it down.
  • Set tangible and measurable goals.
  • Share your goals with someone who will support you, such as a good friend, a coach or a mentor.
  • Keep a written account of the steps you are taking to reach these goals.  No step is too small to track.  Remember to celebrate your progress.

You may have heard this advice before in some form.  There is a reason…

It works!

There is a ton of information and support available specifically designed to help you make the positive and permanent changes in your life.  Create a strong foundation by remembering why you are seeking changes.

A better life is what you deserve.

Change Happens

Sep 30th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

We must learn to define our own lives

by pursu­ing our joys and passions with people we love.


A tremendous amount of confusion happens when people look into their past ex­periences in order to initiate change in their lives today. They recognize destructive pat­terns and make the decision to further inves­tigate why they operate the way they do. The primary problem with this is that people become so stuck in their pasts, they wind up being obsessed with self-discovery. As a result of this obsession, their patterns don’t actually improve, but worsen.

I am not a believer in wallowing in our past. The past merely provides a frame of refer­ence. It gives an explanation as to how we form certain perceptions and opinions. The past alone cannot provide the appropriate motivation to change. Becoming obsessed with the past can create a situation in which a person actually reinforces the negative pat­tern. A person with this obsession can para­lyze his or her ability to take positive action. It is in action that we change. The negative behavior must change in order to let go of a pattern.

Action is in the now.

  • When you become aware of a repeating pattern of sabotage, become grateful! You are now empowered to change.
  • Becoming cognizant of relentless thoughts of self gives you the opportunity to value service to others. Breaking the pattern of self-centeredness is actually very simple: Help someone else!
  • In all likelihood, you are not the deplorable bane of the human race. You are probably a good person. Let go of the fatalistic inner-dialogue, someone looks up to you!
  • Change what you do. Today. Right now. The sooner you act, the sooner you find relief!

Secrets Breed Sickness

Sep 16th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

430929976_ac8bef80a5

Secret keeping always breeds sickness. No matter what lengths a person may go to in order to protect himself or someone else, if he is keeping secrets, he will create harm. Often people make the decision to keep secrets be­cause of a fear of embarrassment. No one wants his own reputation, or his family’s reputation, to be tarnished.


This fear is un­derstandable, because embarrassment can be painful. However, when we allow ourselves to operate from a foundation that en­courages pathological dishonesty, we shouldn’t be surprised when someone spends his or her life lying or cheating. I’m not saying it is always a parent’s fault when a child grows up and becomes a dishonest person, but when someone grows up in an environ­ment that allows dishonesty to flourish, he may have a difficult time breaking that pattern.


Family relationships are the most criti­cal aspect of anyone’s early psychological and emotional development. Patterns of behavior are established at a very early age. These pat­terns are rooted in the perceptions formed from our relationships with our fami­lies of origin. If we are unwilling to investigate these parts of our lives, we will severely limit our ability to break the patterns of dysfunc­tion with which we have become accus­tomed. This can have a life-long effect on our ability to form healthy relationships.


Everyone doesn’t come from a dysfunctional family. In fact, there are many people who choose to abuse the term in order to justify negative or antisocial behavior. For those of you who do come from dysfunctional family backgrounds, it is imperative you realize your own power to break the cycle of dysfunction and let it go forever. It all begins with a willingness to change.


· A dysfunctional family is one in which abuse, neglect, closed- mindedness, and absence of affection are characteristics which create the atmosphere at home.


· Relationships built on a foundation of honesty, understanding, and love will flourish.


· The cycle of dysfunction is broken when an individual recognizes he possesses the power to let go of his negative patterns.

Do you continue to excuse negative behavior today because of family situations from the past? Do you want to let go of the pattern of victimization? Start by making the decision to change now.

Be True to You

Sep 9th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
1 comment

True growth can only happen when your roots are strong. It doesn’t matter what you learn or become aware of, if you are not in touch with your essence, the meaning of the new lesson will be lost.

Many people spend years aimlessly drifting, hoping to some day stumble upon the one great truth that will completely transform their life. They feel they have no purpose and find it an impossible task to connect with others. Still others look for the radical change that will set them in the direction of success and happiness and satisfy the urge to remake their existence. Finally, there are those who kneel at the altar of the status quo, condemning anyone who deviates from the norm as being a reckless saboteur. They constantly fight to “get back” to a state of mind which has been idealized and used as the standard of happiness.

These are all extreme examples. Understanding them is important because they illustrate some of what we use as criteria to make connections and form relationships. Growth is fluid and organic. Without movement, life atrophies and dies. At the same time, change for the sake of change simply creates a temporary sense of satisfaction, its long term effects as deceptive as drug-induced euphoria.

Keep things simple.

  • Answer, to yourself, the question of “Who am I?” No one else outside of you can tell you what your essence is. Friends and advisers can point out patterns, traits, and characteristics, but only you can make the final determination of who you are.
  • Take risks! It is dangerous and unhealthy to not seek new awareness and perspectives. This is only a problem when you are attempting to escape a challenge. Again, change for changes sake isn’t taking a risk, it is simply avoidance.
  • Have fun! Life is a joyful experience. The key here is experience. Go, do, and be. Find new adventures and share them with people you love.
  • Seek guidance from those you see growing. Make it a point to find and talk to people who have knowledge on something you wish to learn about. It’s always fun to meet new people and absorb.

The key in all of this is to be true to you. Rarely does someone need a radical makeover. Most often it is a readjustment that will do the trick. Have a strong network of relationships, strong roots, and allow growth to happen. Remain open to new ideas and stay curious. With this as your foundation, you will surely thrive!

Inspiration

Aug 26th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
No comments yet

Beautiful sky

Inspiration comes in many forms. It may come from a beautiful sunset, a certain smell, or a piece of music. It is difficult to predict when or how a revelation will arrive, but you know it will.

Most ingenuity is created by partnership. Great ideas are rarely created in a vacuum. Are you taking advantage of the genius you are surrounded by? Do you realize the people in your life possess all of the information you will ever need to be an absolute success?

Zen gardenRemember that you have created relationships with people who support your success. They want you to achieve your dreams. If they don’t know exactly how to advise you, they will point you in the direction to go so you can find the information you need. Does this sound like your relationships? If not, change who you surround yourself with.

Keep it very simple.

  • Determine whether you are honest about the direction that you want your life to go in. If you feel resistance it is probably due to you withholding information about what you are seeking.
  • Listen to your muse and share what you learn in detail with people you trust
  • Tap into the love that surrounds you. Your relationships provide the strength you need to continue to move forward.

Inspiration is energy. It is not accidental when it comes to you. Learn to trust and focus it. You will enjoy life much more!

The Security and (Sometime) Dysfunction of Family

Aug 12th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
1 comment

184665954_6e032f5ac8In any situation involving relationships, we are in pursuit of security. Security is neither positive nor negative. If we are comfortable with conflict, we will be secure in situations that are contentious and chaotic. If we operate well when our surroundings are calm, we will be secure in an environment that is calm and peaceful.
An outside observer may see someone in a violent situation and not understand why the person doesn’t simply leave. However, the person in the violent situation is familiar with these surroundings and has learned to adapt to them. As a result of this adaptation, he survives in this environment while any other situation is unfathomable and unrealistic. He simply accepts the fact his life is violent. By his own definition, he may seek out relationships where he will find conflict. Unless he directly confronts this belief system, he will continue to find security in violence.
The good news is he can shift his security. It is entirely possible for him to realize he doesn’t have to accept the violence as his reality. If he experiences enough discomfort, or sees a more attractive lifestyle, he can find the motivation to change his belief systems and his life.
In the media, we hear stories about people who have gone down a path of crime and self-destruction. We describe them as “victims of their environment”.

Although it is undeniable many people in our society are born with some severe disadvantages, to describe them as victims would not be completely accurate.

Your family background plays a major role in these scenarios. Your earliest definitions about life are formed at home. For some, these definitions are very positive. These individuals learn and understand the positive expressions of love, which form a solid foundation for them to build on for the rest of their lives. Their ability to make decisions from a stable and secure mind-set is evident. However, for many others, there are usually some flawed perceptions that develop from dysfunctional family situations.

•    The word family connotes relationships to which we are indelibly bound.
•    Being related provides the opportunity to have a strong connection but doesn’t guarantee this connection.
•    A dysfunctional family is one in which abuse, neglect, closed- mindedness, and absence of affection are characteristics which create the atmosphere at home.
Here are some simple things you can do to determine how your definition of family affects your life today:

1.    Write a brief (two or three sentences) description of an ideal family. Focus on the emotional characteristics.
2.    Compare this description to the environment in which you grew up; again focus on the emotional characteristics.
3.    Write down three positive characteristics you developed as a result of growing up in this environment.
4.    Write down three negative characteristics you have used to justify any negative patterns in your life.

You were not in control of the environment you were born into. However, you do possess the ability to alter the direction of your life today. Your awareness is a major key to taking control of the direction of your happiness. Although you may have been victimized in the past, you don’t have to remain in that state today.

← Earlier Posts