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Do You Have Relationship Trust? How To Connect With Confidence

Oct 6th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Relationship trust can be elusive, particularly for those who have been hurt in the past. Although trust can be an ambiguous quality, it is vital in creating meaningful and lasting connections. Anyone with a strong desire to build relationship trust is capable of finding the necessary steps to do so. These steps include identification of past hurts, the willingness to let these feelings go, and the determination to seek and find people with whom it is possible to build relationship trust.

Establish Self-Trust

“Self trust is the first secret of success.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first area to explore is trust with self. Often a person has difficulties building confidence in others due to a lack of trustworthiness. If honesty or integrity have been a challenge there will be an innate mistrust of others. The development of personal honesty in all interactions is the first priority.

Let Go Of Past Hurt

It is common for people to establish negative relationship patterns due to pain from past experiences. Many fear that acknowledging these situations is the equivalent to opening Pandora’s box. In reality, the toxic memories are kept alive through denial. In order for the past to lose its grip on today’s decisions these painful recollections must be accepted. Once they are accepted it is possible to let go of these feelings by following some simple, although challenging, steps:

  • Make a list of painful memories
  • Seek a counselor, coach, spiritual advisor, or friend with whom these memories can be shared
  • Follow the advice of this trusted advisor to establish positive patterns in the present

Relationship trust is essential to establishing strong bonds. These deep connections are vital to a fulfilling and rich life. It is always an option to find a more positive direction particularly when there is a willingness to seek help and guidance.

Are Relationships Hard? How To Remove Negativity From Responsibility

Aug 25th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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A fundamental belief is that relationships are “hard work” and involve “sacrifice and compromise.” While building connections on any level can be a challenge , these negative attitudes are prevalent in today’s society because many people struggle to take responsibility for their own situations. It has become increasingly more common for people to blame someone or something else for their plight in life.

Forming unions is harder when someone is unwilling to accept that his decisions, words, and actions have a ripple effect. All relationships involve two people coming together, therefore flexibility is critical. This doesn’t necessarily mean that there must be “hard work” in order for a relationship to be successful. If a bond is extremely difficult to maintain, it is possible it shouldn’t exist. Before making that determination, however, it is imperative to make an honest self-appraisal.

  • Taking responsibility for actions and words is key.
  • Relationships are always a reflection of a person’s current state of mind.
  • When someone feels conflict with another person, the first responsibility is to look within himself to determine whether he has somehow wronged the other person.
  • If he discovers that his actions have been clean, he can find comfort in the awareness that his behavior or attitude is not at the root of this conflict.

Continuing to attempt to engage another person in conversations about conflicts may perpetuate the problem. At that point it can be helpful to take a step back and allow the other person the freedom to work out whatever issues they may have.Most people want to be liked; so this can be challenging. The other person may not respond positively and the disagreement may not be solved. A few points that may be helpful include:

  • The only actions anyone can truly control are his own.
  • Building relationships can be complicated.
  • In order to build strong relationships one must take responsibility for his own actions.

With this perspective and responsibility the building and maintaining of relationships is more a challenge than a chore. Removing the fear makes the entire experience much more rewarding.

Create Strong Relationships: How To Define The Life You Desire

Jun 9th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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In order to create strong relationships, it is vital to clearly define what kind of life you desire. You can decide to be a lonely, friendless and curmudgeonly old hermit who complains all of the time. If this isn’t the kind of life you want it is possible to change course at any time.

Chances are you want to lead a joyful, exciting, and fun life. You probably long to have relationships with people who can support you when needed and with whom you can share any triumphs you experience. A full life is at least partially defined by the relationships you have. One way to define success and happiness is by being able to fulfill and share your dreams and desires.

An important part of this definition is learning to create enough flexibility to change direction when it will benefit you and the people with whom you are involved. It is important to have principles and convictions to live by. It is equally important  to have the ability to differentiate between contrasting opinions and fundamental disagreements of principle.

When you compromise principles in order to have a relationship, a tremendous amount of energy can be wasted trying to convince the other person your opinions are right. When you form relationships with people you are emotionally compatible with, you can recognize differences in opinion without becoming angry. Your opinions, principles, and definitions of happiness have been formed through your life experiences. When these definitions are solid, there is less of a need to defend them. As a result of not being defensive, you will be much more open to the opinions of others. With this openness, you can attract people into your life with whom you can build strong relationships, even if you don’t agree on everything.You are also able to avoid potentially harmful relationships. You stay in touch with the only life you need to concern yourself with: your own.

Exercise

Make a wish list of the kind of life you want. How do you envision your relationships in five years? What steps could you take today to begin living that life?