family relationships

The Connected Family: Three Simple Tips To Create Unity At Home

May 5th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Do you wish your family was closer? Is there a certain feeling you want to create at home? Follow three simple steps to get closer to creating the connections you want.

Most people grow up with a vision of what they want their family to look or feel like. This can be especially true for those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds. In order for someone to create relationships grounded in a healthy ideal, it is vital to have a definition based on a personal definition of happiness and success .

Ideally, a person’s closest relatives provide his safest relationships. Unfortunately this is not the case for many. Due to faulty scripting, behaviors influenced by culture or relatives, many people accept negative or toxic relationship patterns because they are familiar. This lack of connection or unity at home becomes expected. It is critical to not assume that a relationship is healthy simply due to being related. Sometimes, people take for granted those to whom they are related to will accept any behavior.

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” ~ Jane Howard

Three Tips To Improve Family Relationships

  1. Write down a brief description of the ideal family. Focus on the emotional characteristics.
  2. Write down a couple of positive characteristics developed from your upbringing (even if this consists of what not to do).
  3. Write a brief description of how you want to be in the context of your family relationships, what kind of partner, parent, child, sibling, etc. Choose the relationship roles that apply to you.

No one has to accept the status quo.If you have found yourself dissatisfied with the condition of your relationships at home their are steps you can take. For anyone to believe they are unable to initiate a significant change in the way relationships are formed is tremendous self-deception. It is possible to create the family relationships you want. This process begins by focusing on who you can actually change. The one person you can change is you.

Secrets Breed Sickness

Sep 16th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Secret keeping always breeds sickness. No matter what lengths a person may go to in order to protect himself or someone else, if he is keeping secrets, he will create harm. Often people make the decision to keep secrets be­cause of a fear of embarrassment. No one wants his own reputation, or his family’s reputation, to be tarnished.


This fear is un­derstandable, because embarrassment can be painful. However, when we allow ourselves to operate from a foundation that en­courages pathological dishonesty, we shouldn’t be surprised when someone spends his or her life lying or cheating. I’m not saying it is always a parent’s fault when a child grows up and becomes a dishonest person, but when someone grows up in an environ­ment that allows dishonesty to flourish, he may have a difficult time breaking that pattern.


Family relationships are the most criti­cal aspect of anyone’s early psychological and emotional development. Patterns of behavior are established at a very early age. These pat­terns are rooted in the perceptions formed from our relationships with our fami­lies of origin. If we are unwilling to investigate these parts of our lives, we will severely limit our ability to break the patterns of dysfunc­tion with which we have become accus­tomed. This can have a life-long effect on our ability to form healthy relationships.


Everyone doesn’t come from a dysfunctional family. In fact, there are many people who choose to abuse the term in order to justify negative or antisocial behavior. For those of you who do come from dysfunctional family backgrounds, it is imperative you realize your own power to break the cycle of dysfunction and let it go forever. It all begins with a willingness to change.


· A dysfunctional family is one in which abuse, neglect, closed- mindedness, and absence of affection are characteristics which create the atmosphere at home.


· Relationships built on a foundation of honesty, understanding, and love will flourish.


· The cycle of dysfunction is broken when an individual recognizes he possesses the power to let go of his negative patterns.

Do you continue to excuse negative behavior today because of family situations from the past? Do you want to let go of the pattern of victimization? Start by making the decision to change now.