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Remove The Clutter From Relationships:How To Release Negative Patterns

Oct 20th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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In any relationship, the process of removing clutter starts within. It begins by identifying limiting beliefs and perceptions that no longer serve a useful purpose. These beliefs and perceptions may manifest in the form of scriptsthat have been handed down for generations. It is possible to suddenly realize negative relationship patterns in several areas that have been present for years.

When these patterns become evident, there may be a feeling akin to being cluttered. The thought of a specific person may create an immediate reaction of anxiety.  There may be a situation that needs to be addressed directly, but the prospect of candid communication is terrifying.This can be an indicator of limiting beliefs manifesting in relationships.

Removing the clutter allows you to determine which relationships fall into which category. With a quick assessment you may realize that there are negative patterns of behavior that you’ve wanted to change all along.  You may also discover that there are destructive relationships you’ve wanted to end.  However, you’re not going to know that until you stop for long enough to do an accurate assessment.  Some of these take a simple decision to change, followed by a plan of action. If you were cleaning your garage you would notice items out of place along with things you just want to get rid of. See box; remove box.  Discover C-clamp; place on shelf.The same is true when taking inventory of relationships.  Some may require more effort and extra help, but the willingness to take an honest look gets you started. Relationships are like spring cleaning in that once you have a plan and begin putting in the work, it flows.  Your confidence builds.  Your self-esteem builds.  You see some changes go on in your life.

It is possible to stop tripping over the emotional boxes in your life.  There will be relationships you rediscover andconnections that will be strengthened.  You will be able to finally deal with  toxic relationships that take up unwanted space in your head.  You will be open to more possibilities.  Removing the clutter creates the space needed to welcome what’s new and possible in your life. You’ll be amazed, as you remove the clutter, what opportunities begin to show up.

Simple Steps To Change Negative Patterns And Create Emotional Security

Jul 21st, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Wouldn’t it be relieving to know negative patterns of behavior could be changed? Most are afraid to make any kind of transformation due to the fear of the unknown. A feeling of emotional security can be created by staying within the status quo.  Many fight for predictability even though negative patterns can be created. Sometimes years fly by before we come to the realization that we are simply living the life expected of us, as opposed to seeking new experiences and awareness.  There is a degree of comfort in traditions and knowing that preceding generations have lived the same way.  This cyclical pattern affects all aspects of life, from a sense of self worth to the quality of relationships.

If you have become aware of yourself repeating negative patterns, there are some very simple steps you can take to create positive results:

  • Make a note of the pattern you want to change.
  • Write down several ways how this pattern manifests in your life.
  • Share this awareness with an objective person.
  • Make a simple plan of specific actions you can take to change your direction.

Involving the assistance of an objective person is critical. It is difficult to maintain any honest self-appraisal. It can be a challenge for anyone who is emotionally to close to your situation to offer direct and frank advice.  With the help of a trusted friend, coach or mentor, you will discover areas of your life you may not see on your own and you will establish accountability.  With this connection, you will feel empowered and more likely to make the real changes you desire. This outside perspective will remind you how far you have come and encourage you to keep moving forward.

So start today!   Begin to notice where you act without awareness. Observe situations in which you find yourself reacting in ways you do not like.  Choose to take the simple steps to begin a new chapter in your life.  One where you live the life you really want.

How To Keep Personal Power And End Self-Deception In Relationships

Jun 30th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
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No one can make you feel anything. Your personal power can only be given away by you. No one can take it from you.  Every time you utter a statement that claims: he (she, they, or anything else) makes or made you feel a certain way, you have entered the world of self-deception. This is a pattern that can be stopped. In order to create a high level of happiness it is imperative to maintain personal power.

Change Your Mentality

Many are conditioned to play the victim role in relationships.  As a result of this self-defeating mentality, people find themselves living out negative patterns over and over again.  If you find yourself stuck in relationship patterns in which you feel your emotions are being controlled, there are a few things you can do to begin breaking the victim mentality.

  • Make a list of the relationships which bring up negative thoughts or feelings.
  • For each one, write a specific event that occurred within each relationship when you last felt stressed, angry or sad.
  • As you look at each item, determine where you gave your power to the other person.
  • Write down what you believe might have occurred if you stayed calm, confident and in your power.  How might it shift the dynamic within therelationship?
  • Develop a simple plan of action to begin your transformation towards a more positive non-victim role in each relationship on your list.

Your Power Is Yours

If a person has the power to “make” you feel a certain way, it is because you have given your power away. It can seem as if it is impossible to remove yourself from this dynamic. It isn’t. If you want this to change you must decide it is no longer acceptable to be in this emotionally submissive position.  Don’t blame other people for your emotional state. Be responsible for the condition of your relationships and enjoy the positive change towards living authentically… no matter who you are with!