success

How To Define Success and Happiness: Pursue Your Passions And Dreams

One way to define success and happiness begins with identifying and pursuing your passions and dreams.  An extension of this definition can include doing what you love with people you love. When you are able to focus on these qualities moving forward seems to flow. This can be a challenge. It is normal to find yourself scared and insecure at times.  You may measure yourself against others and feel like you fall short of the mark.

Do You Know What You Want?

When I am secure with how I define success and happiness, I don’t have to scramble around trying to control every aspect of other people’s lives. I am more accepting of people I love going through whatever processes they need to in their lives to define success for themselves. My desire to micromanage and judge is lessened. My need for authority is in direct proportion to how I am dealing with my own self-doubt and fear.

Success Is Up To The Individual

I can’t own anyone else’s accomplishments or happiness. Regardless of the role I play as a parent, advisor, coach, boss, or friend, whomever I provide guidance to makes his or her own decisions. He or she will define success how they see fit. I may be emotionally affected by someone else’s decisions but I certainly can let go of my reactions. At the end of the day what I remember most is what I say or do, not someone else.

In order to be effective in leading others make sure you are clear about your own purpose and direction. As a result of this clarity you won’t need to focus on leadership, it is a quality which will come naturally. Satisfaction in life is something you probably desire. You may look to others for examples of how this can be achieved. People use you as a model for success as well. Honor these relationships by remaining persistent with your progress.

In what ways can you improve your focus?

Be Positive! Improve Your Thinking To Create Success And Happiness

It is hard to deny that so much of success and happiness is based on positive ways of thinking.  Most of us are aware that a hopeful attitude is one of the keys to the expansion of forward thinking.  Of course, optimism alone accomplishes only a part of the puzzle.  One must be willing to take action to ensure progress towards real success. The combination of positive ways of thinking, the resolve to follow through with new ideas, and the development of supportive relationships create a recipe for favorable outcomes.

Nothing limits achievement like small thinking; nothing expands possibilities like unleashed imagination.” ~ William Arthur Ward


In order to connect with limitless possibility, it is necessary to commit to creating supportive relationships.  This can involve many challenges because supportive doesn’t always mean comfortable. Creating the right relationships for success involves being stretched beyond the normal definitions of security. Positive connections create accountability to the commitments made to grow and change. It is vital to be aware of how partnerships affect thinking.  Regular evaluations of an individual’s relationships can create an environment of growth and positive change.

A Simple Assessment To Evaluate Relationships

  • Does this relationship challenge my ideas?
  • Do conversations support expansion of thinking or suppression of ideas?
  • Does this relationship encourage compassion?

Finding the answers to these questions can provide you with tremendous insight into the condition of any relationship. Often, people will hold on to friendships and other connections because of the fear of being alone. No matter how scary honest evaluation can be, the knowledge gained from accurate appraisals is vital. With this awareness you can find a specific direction to go in to continue your personal growth. The combination of your desire to grow and a system of support makes the road a lot less treacherous.  The more we know about ourselves and our relationships, the more we can create positive attitudes, inspire action, and strengthen our resolve.

Tools For A Happy Life: Three Simple Steps to Change

I remember one major epiphany that impacted my entire life. It was the realization that I had the power to overcome my obstacles and participate in creating a life I truly desire. All of a sudden, it seemed so simple; I needed to take responsibility for myself, define success clearly for myself and build solid relationships with supportive people. Prior to this realization, I felt like a victim of my circumstances without the power to change it. After a series of self-inflicted misfortunes and countless attempts from others to reach out, I made the decision and created real change.

The three simple steps to start your journey towards change are:

Step 1: Take Responsibility

By taking responsibility for what we can change, we open ourselves up to numerous possibilities. If we focus on having been dealt a bad hand or what others have done to us, we stay grounded in dysfunction. It is impossible to move forward while we are weighed down by misfortune; real or perceived. Taking responsibility for our part in our journey, gives us the power to start the process of real growth.

Step 2: Find a Personal Definition of Success

Many of us get caught in the trap of comparing our definition of success to others. When we clarify success for ourselves, we build a life we will truly appreciate and enjoy. When we trust our personal definition, we no longer are we subject to the judgments and opinions of others. No one is on the exact same path, so be confident in yours.

Step 3: Build Relationships with People on a Similar Path

With this new found sense of responsibility and a sense of what success is, it is vital to find support. Relationships based on shared passions and enthusiasm, help us to grow. It is not healthy to stick around those who want us to stay the same forever. Having relationships with people on a similar path of growth allows us to remain humble and teachable.

These three important steps can be the key ingredients to a solid foundation for living. With the awareness of self-responsibility, our personal definition of success and finding healthy support systems, it is much easier to create and live a life of powerful change.

Create Strong Relationships: How To Define The Life You Desire

In order to create strong relationships, it is vital to clearly define what kind of life you desire. You can decide to be a lonely, friendless and curmudgeonly old hermit who complains all of the time. If this isn’t the kind of life you want it is possible to change course at any time.

Chances are you want to lead a joyful, exciting, and fun life. You probably long to have relationships with people who can support you when needed and with whom you can share any triumphs you experience. A full life is at least partially defined by the relationships you have. One way to define success and happiness is by being able to fulfill and share your dreams and desires.

An important part of this definition is learning to create enough flexibility to change direction when it will benefit you and the people with whom you are involved. It is important to have principles and convictions to live by. It is equally important  to have the ability to differentiate between contrasting opinions and fundamental disagreements of principle.

When you compromise principles in order to have a relationship, a tremendous amount of energy can be wasted trying to convince the other person your opinions are right. When you form relationships with people you are emotionally compatible with, you can recognize differences in opinion without becoming angry. Your opinions, principles, and definitions of happiness have been formed through your life experiences. When these definitions are solid, there is less of a need to defend them. As a result of not being defensive, you will be much more open to the opinions of others. With this openness, you can attract people into your life with whom you can build strong relationships, even if you don’t agree on everything.You are also able to avoid potentially harmful relationships. You stay in touch with the only life you need to concern yourself with: your own.

Exercise

Make a wish list of the kind of life you want. How do you envision your relationships in five years? What steps could you take today to begin living that life?

Get the Patch or Take the Pill: Simple Tools to Enhance Relationships

One great feature of any cruise is that there are several excursions available at  different ports of call.  In St. Maarten, Royal Caribbean offers one called Snuba. “Snuba” is basically diving that doesn’t require certification. A tank sits on a raft and there are several tubes coming out attached to breathing regulators. Each person gets a regulator and can dive up to 20 feet.

On the day my family decided to “snuba”, the sea was a little rough. My wife, Wendy,  has a tendency to get seasick and she had mentioned that fact several times. But she was ill-prepared. There are several methods to avoid sea-sickness but Wendy chose to ignore them all. As we rode out to the snorkel and snuba spot, the little boat started rocking. I watched as Wendy’s complexion changed from normal, to Casper the Friendly Ghostish, to a not so flattering Incredible Hulk green. There were others who were a bit worse, but Wendy had it pretty bad.

The point is that in any relationship there is always a solution. There is always something that can be done to insure everyone’s best interests are met. This can be as challenging as sitting down for hours to hash out an agreement; sometimes it is as simple as agreeing with the person sitting across from you. If people are willing to be patient and take the time to communicate and work together, a solution will be found. Even if the end result is the relationship coming to an end, with preparation and communication the solution settled upon will be best for all concerned.

For example, those who are doing well in the current economic climate are people who get themselves out of the worrisome, scarcity driven mind set and ask for help. People who seek solutions rather than wait for disaster to strike before taking action. The businesses in which people take the pill or put the patches behind their ear are experiencing more success because they are prepared and take preventative measures. Individuals who are motivated by moving forward and creating relationships based in love and positivity find people who support their success. They are driven by solutions more than they are driven by fear.

Keep yourself prepared, that’s what “Get the Patch or Take the Pill” means. Just like Wendy could have easily avoided becoming sea sick, any person or business can steer clear of unnecessary conflict by taking simple measures:

  • Be clear about your definition of success and happiness
  • Make it a priority to surround yourself with people who support you and provide you with accountability
  • Evaluate your relationships regularly

Creating happy and joyful partnerships isn’t always as daunting a process as it seems. Most of the time it simply takes clarity,commitment, and flexibility. When situations are more complex, having a positive attitude can make the difference in how quickly a resolution is found. Your mind-set is something over which you always have control.


Do What You Love, Because You Love It

“The worst prison would be a closed heart.”

~Pope John Paul II

In his book, The Success Principles, Jack Canfield writes about the benefits of having a “Ready, Fire, Aim”mentality. He isn’t encouraging people to be irresponsible or to act on every whim, the point is to remind people to get started and respond to feedback.

Change happens as a result of action. Action is motivated by inspiration. Inspiration is created by fear, love, or passion. One of the greatest gifts of life is that it is filled with constant opportunities to find inspiration and change.

I love the work I do. I have spent the past twenty-two years working with people affected by substance abuse. This work has allowed me to deal with a very diverse group of people dealing with a wide range of issues. Over the past several years I have become more interested in helping people improve their relationships. This is a topic in which I have a great deal of interest and a high level of passion.

When I wrote Relationships for the Intimately Challenged, I was motivated by my desire to share the knowledge I had acquired about relationships through the years. As a result of writing the book, I have created several opportunities to learn, grow, and expand my life. I have met a lot of people who have assisted me in the art of writing. I have joined the National Speaker’s Association, which has opened many doors. I continue to learn about writing, speaking, and managing a business every day. This has all come as a result of following what I love.

  • Are you doing what you love?
  • Do you feel a sense of vocational satisfaction?
  • Are you confident you are making a difference?

We all suffer from self-doubt from time to time. However, it is critical to answer these questions with a resounding yes. You will need guidance. You will need re-assurance. You will need to remind yourself of why you do what you do. If you start from a place of loving what you do you will find the guidance, re-assurance, and reminders you need.

  • Take the time to answer the above questions.
  • Find for yourself what is important to do.
  • Make a commitment to begin taking small steps to move in the direction of your passion.

Life is a beautiful experience. Make sure you take advantage of the opportunities to enjoy it to its fullest. Do what you love.

Connect

2855271953_e32f64d1b7Connection is vital to a fulfilling and joyful life. We connect with people, spirit, and purpose. When we don’t feel a sense of connection, we feel adrift and without direction. It is so easy to get caught in the trap of trying to please others while neglecting our own sense of self. Re- establishing a sense of connection is not difficult. It may be uncomfortable, or sometimes painful, but not difficult.  The two most important factors are to keep things simple and to be honest with yourself. Here are some exercises which can help simplify this process:

  • Make a list of your most common activities, such as work, school, hobbies, etc. Next to each of these activities write down why you do them. This is just for you (unless you want to share it), so be honest.
  • Make a list of what you would love to do (if there were no limitations)
  • Write down the names of the significant relationships in your life and determine if these relationships support your purpose (if not, dig a little deeper to determine if this lack of support is due to your lack of communication)

The idea with these exercises is to provide you with some insight into your definition of happiness. When you have a clearer definition of happiness, it is easier to figure out how to connect with your purpose. It is also easier to connect your purpose with spirit and to connect with people who nurture your purpose.

Everyone is important. Your presence in the world is vital to someone, probably more people than you could possibly be aware. Take the time to let go of any limitations you place on yourself and any walls you put between yourself and others. Take the time to connect.

Photo Credit: alles-schlumpf via Flickr

Success in Business Part I: Work Together and Everyone Wins

3169262303_de9262f5d8I started my company, Stonebraker’s Inc., in 1993. At the time, I had no idea how to run a business, much less sustain it for this long. Today I am able to recognize some of the steps I have taken and communicate them in a useful way. It is imperative to share any insights, ideas, and wisdom that may be beneficial to people if we hope to build a strong and supportive community. Over the next several weeks I will dedicate a post per week to share some of what I have learned, along with some of the mistakes I have made. I will continue to write on other topics but I feel it is important to focus some attention on this particular area.

Many people are afraid. Several companies are operating from a collective consciousness of fear, negative competition, and lack. I believe that companies which place a high value on the morale of its employees, along with its relationships with other companies, will not only survive, they will thrive.

My next post will explore this topic deeper. Think about your relationship with your company, whether you are an employer or an employee. Do you feel a sense of connection? Are you able to maintain a sense of enthusiasm about what you do and those who work with you? Is your primary focus on beating the competition or creating relationships in which everyone is able to prosper (if they so choose)?

Photo Credit: galleryquantum via Flickr

We All Follow Someone

Whose lead do you follow and why? This is a very important question for anyone to answer. As you grow and change, as your life circumstances evolve, and as your priorities shift, you may let go of some mentors and gain others. Some philosophies which may have seemed like permanent maps to success have been discarded for systems which fit your changing perspectives. But do you have constants? Are there certain kinds of people who embody certain traits to which you find yourself gravitating  over and over again? Do people you seek out for guidance and direction communicate a similar theme, maybe in a different way? Are there certain topics you read about or hear about that rock your world every time?

I have thought about this a lot. The people to whom I gravitate, the topics I care about, and the causes I stand for change as I change. However, the bottom line characteristics I seek always remain the same. They include:

  • Passion I am not living to simply be safe until I die, I want to experience as much joy and happiness as I can
  • Enthusiasm Those whose lead I follow are always enthusiastic about what they do
  • Humility Confidence in one’s abilities should never be confused with arrogance. A humble person is always teachable and able to teach
  • Gratitude There are not too many original ideas floating around. Those who express gratitude for their mentors  have credibility
  • Service Not only is it an ideal to leave the world a better place than you found it, there are people who actually accomplish this goal.

I will continue to share sources and mentors who have helped me to grow and change, both directly and indirectly. I would love to hear about some of yours. There is a limitless resource of wisdom available to all of us when we are willing to share with one another. What traits are important to you? Who are some of your heroes? What books or philosophies have changed your life or rocked your world? Here are a few of mine, with more to come:

Bob Meehan who wrote Beyond the Yellow Brick Road. Bob has a tremendous amount of passion in everything he does. Beyond the Yellow Brick Road is the best resource for anyone dealing with an adolescent with drug or alcohol issues.

Jack Canfield who co-wrote the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, The Success Principles, and many other valuable books and programs. I had the pleasure of attending Jack’s Breakthrough to Success seminar last year, which was a life changing experience. Jack is someone who expresses a genuine compassion for those he is around. After meeting Jack, there is no doubt how passionate he is about helping others improve the quality of their lives.

These are two examples of people who I look up to and why. I am constantly seeking useful information. I will continue to share books, philosophies, and other materials I find beneficial. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

The Moment is What Matters

Yesterday was my daughter’s tenth birthday. It was a wonderful day and a true celebration of the wonderful relationships our family has. Ten years is a long time. Many things change and evolve. If you remember to pay attention, your gratitude grows exponentially.

I remember throughout my wife’s pregnancy the wise words many parents shared with me about the importance of staying present mentally and emotionally. The advice they shared was invaluable and has reminded me how quickly time passes if you don’t pay attention. Blink and it’s gone, is a statement we have all heard. Because of this awareness, I decided long ago to be conscious of putting my family first.

Nothing is more important than our connections. We are defined by our relationships. Our relationships reflect our internal condition. The deeper we connect with people the fuller our lives become. Particularly our relationships with our partners and children.

Your kids don’t care about your professional accomplishments and your partner wants to connect with you. Two things your children and your partner have in common is their desire to be close to you and their need to be involved in your life. It is too easy to justify isolation with the word “responsibility.” Work, grow, and accomplish. These are important and admirable things to do. First and foremost pay attention to those who rely on the connection they have with you. Be present and don’t miss any moments. This is where true success, happiness, and accomplishment lives.