February, 2009:

It Ain’t Happening Now

Feb 25th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Photo Credit:andertho via Flickr

“What’s in the past is dead. Let the dead bury the dead.”

~Og Mandino from The Greatest Miracle in the World”

When afraid, we love to use our past as a way to justify our behavior in the present. There are those, too, who love to hold on to past hurts to use as ammunition to punish others. Our past experiences, relationships, and awareness provide a frame of reference for how to deal with our current situations. They give us useful insights into ways we may better handle life moving forward. The problem many people have is in allowing their past to weigh them down.

Many people have experienced traumatic situations. Others have survived abusive and destructive relationships. We can find people who have made and lost fortunes. Some people attempt to manipulate respect based on past glories. The simple truth is a person’s ability to succeed, create happiness, and share love exists in the now.

There are countless versions of “the past teaches” and “the future provides hope” axioms. This article is no different. It is, however, a fact people must be reminded of. Here are some simple ways to make positive use of the past:

  • Make note of how you identify yourself. How much of this is based on what you did or who you were?
  • Do these identifications give you a sense of hope and provide hope to others?( For example: I’m a recovering alcoholic or a cancer survivor)
  • Do you use these identifications as a way to justify negative behavior today?

There is a tremendous difference between the wisdom created as a result of past experiences and remaining stuck in negative, self-limiting patterns. The most telling sign is whether or not your experiences allow you more opportunities to teach and be of service to others. Be happy with yourself. Let go of any past experiences which no longer serve you or anyone else. Yes, these experiences are a part of who you are. However, they don’t tell your entire story.

Growth, Change, and Relationships

Feb 19th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Photo Credit: Suyog Gaidhani via Flickr

Growth is sometimes painful. Although pain is not a prerequisite to growth, sometimes it happens. Ideally, we would all grow painlessly and effortlessly. It is an important ideal to shoot for and one to which we all aspire. A critical part of growth is flexibility and the willingness to change.

One of the most difficult aspects with growth can be the relationships in your life. If, for example, you decide to make a major change, every relationship you have will be affected. Some people will be inspired to change themselves as a result of your new found discoveries. Others, unfortunately, will be at the ready to pounce as soon as you show any sign of fear or insecurity. Why? Because your decision to change can make others insecure about their situation. 

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Photo credit:sillydog via Flickr

When you stretch, it can be uncomfortable. This discomfort does not mean the change you are making is wrong. It is simply a reminder of how long you have stayed in a familiar place. Here are some simple ways to gauge the level of support in your relationships:

  • Validation is vital. Growth can be scary. It is nice to know people in your life are empathetic. Hearing from someone who understands goes a long way to galvanizing your conviction.
  • Understanding, or the desire to understand, lets you know the other person really listens to you. 
  • Encouragement comes in many forms. Sometimes it is verbal. It can also come in the form of what is not said. When you clearly state goals to your friends, and know why you have these goals, you need encouragement. You will experience times when you simply want to acquiesce to the status quo. It is at these times the encouragement from vital relationships provides the added strength you need. If someone supports you giving up, the relationship is negative. 

The status quo is safe. Nothing changes. We can find security in not changing. Unfortunately it is impossible to experience joy, happiness, and success without taking risks. Make sure your relationships support you. 


Walt Disney World and Relationships

Feb 12th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Last night I arrived Walt Disney World to attend the National Speaker’s Association Winter Conference. I am extremely excited, as this is my first NSA conference and Walt Disney World is perhaps my favorite place in the world. 

Walt Disney World is a place built on the characteristics I consider to be critical building blocks to a happy and joyful life:

  • Fun is contagious. When someone, or something, is fun we want to participate. We are attracted. We forget about whatever problems we may currently have. Fun is critical to happy lives and happy relationships.
  • Service. At Walt Disney World I always feel taken care of. Sure, I’ve had problems here before but over all my experiences are always positive and the people strive to provide good service. Think about your relationships; are you of service?
  • Acceptance. Don’t you love being in situations in which you are not being judged? When you know you are accepted simply because of who you are? Again, think about your relationships. All of them; friends, family, spouses or romantic partners, clients, service providers, and any other relationship in your life. Those in which we practice acceptance are harmonious and positive, even when disagreements occur.

There are always ways to improve our lives and our relationships if we pay attention. One of the reasons I love coming to Disney World as much as I do is because I am reminded of what is really important in my life. I feel at my best when I am having fun, when I’m of service, and practicing acceptance.

Thoughts on Humility

Feb 6th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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2325686115_9baa8eafd4Photo credit:Toni VC via Flickr

This will involve a paradigm shift for most people. This idea is certainly a shift for me. I, like most people I know, have always been aware of the importance of humility. Although humility is sometimes difficult to achieve or maintain, it is critical to peaceful living. Unfortunately most people believe in order to be humble we must put ourselves down. The idea behind this concept is to deflate the ego.

I agree that too much pride can be extremely destructive. I have certainly made many mistakes as a result of holding on to too much of it. However, to believe humiliation is the key to humility is an unfortunate mistake. Many are taught to be hard on themselves and gentle to others. I understand the idea behind this philosophy, but I completely disagree.

Kindness creates kindness. When I attempt to practice humility through self -deprecation, being kind to others becomes an act of desperation. This desperation is due to the need for any positive interaction. The problem is the humility seems false and the other person feels used. It may not be obvious but this has a tremendously negative effect on all relationships.

Seeing your own positive characteristics does not make you vain. What makes someone vain, or inappropriately prideful, is when the actions do not match the internal beliefs. In other words, if I am attempting to convince the world of what a good person I am but internally I am constantly judging others, I will come across as arrogant and prideful.

Listening to the positive feedback you receive from people will strengthen your character. Many believe that “reading your own press clippings” will create inevitable self-destruction.” It is important to hear positive feedback. The problem occurs when someone feels they have earned praise dishonestly or through means of manipulation. There are many simple ways to achieve and maintain humility. Here are a few:

  • Be honest in all situations
  • Be genuinely you
  • Seek feedback as often as possible
  • Respond to the feedback you receive, positive or negative
  • Be vulnerable so you connect with others 

All of these steps are simple and can be practiced daily. Do your best to be exactly who you are today. When this is the case, humility comes naturally.

.477956183_2f43df7e0dPhoto credit:Jaimie Sun via Flickr

Leadership Always Counts

Feb 2nd, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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3165948442_2a563eb1eaAlas, the Arizona Cardinals lost the Super Bowl. After watching the Big Red for years it seemed Destiny would finally smile upon this dismal franchise through its powerful medium, Kurt Warner. Although in the end it wasn’t meant to be, they put up a valiant fight and certainly taught us a few things.3090618841_143e1ed1ff

 

  1. Leadership is a quality too often overlooked. In any system involving multiple people, someone must be willing to step to the front and lead.
  2. Passion drives us to be better performers and better people.
  3. Love unifies people and establishes the strongest of bonds. Whether it is love for what you do, for who you are around, or for who you get to share your life with, love provides the power.
  4. Gratitude allows anyone to maintain the humility needed to create and build upon excellence. Anyone who believes they have it all figured out is wrong. 

We are all stronger as human beings when we have strong and loving relationships. When we live in the qualities mentioned above, we will attract people into our lives with whom we would want to build these relationships. Never be afraid to lead because there is someone who needs to follow you. Do what you do with passion because others will be attracted to it. Live a life you love because it is the one you have. Finally, remember to maintain gratitude because there has always been, and always will be, someone to help.

Photo Credit: Alfred Benway