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Change Happens

Sep 30th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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We must learn to define our own lives

by pursu­ing our joys and passions with people we love.


A tremendous amount of confusion happens when people look into their past ex­periences in order to initiate change in their lives today. They recognize destructive pat­terns and make the decision to further inves­tigate why they operate the way they do. The primary problem with this is that people become so stuck in their pasts, they wind up being obsessed with self-discovery. As a result of this obsession, their patterns don’t actually improve, but worsen.

I am not a believer in wallowing in our past. The past merely provides a frame of refer­ence. It gives an explanation as to how we form certain perceptions and opinions. The past alone cannot provide the appropriate motivation to change. Becoming obsessed with the past can create a situation in which a person actually reinforces the negative pat­tern. A person with this obsession can para­lyze his or her ability to take positive action. It is in action that we change. The negative behavior must change in order to let go of a pattern.

Action is in the now.

  • When you become aware of a repeating pattern of sabotage, become grateful! You are now empowered to change.
  • Becoming cognizant of relentless thoughts of self gives you the opportunity to value service to others. Breaking the pattern of self-centeredness is actually very simple: Help someone else!
  • In all likelihood, you are not the deplorable bane of the human race. You are probably a good person. Let go of the fatalistic inner-dialogue, someone looks up to you!
  • Change what you do. Today. Right now. The sooner you act, the sooner you find relief!

Be True to You

Sep 9th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
1 comment

True growth can only happen when your roots are strong. It doesn’t matter what you learn or become aware of, if you are not in touch with your essence, the meaning of the new lesson will be lost.

Many people spend years aimlessly drifting, hoping to some day stumble upon the one great truth that will completely transform their life. They feel they have no purpose and find it an impossible task to connect with others. Still others look for the radical change that will set them in the direction of success and happiness and satisfy the urge to remake their existence. Finally, there are those who kneel at the altar of the status quo, condemning anyone who deviates from the norm as being a reckless saboteur. They constantly fight to “get back” to a state of mind which has been idealized and used as the standard of happiness.

These are all extreme examples. Understanding them is important because they illustrate some of what we use as criteria to make connections and form relationships. Growth is fluid and organic. Without movement, life atrophies and dies. At the same time, change for the sake of change simply creates a temporary sense of satisfaction, its long term effects as deceptive as drug-induced euphoria.

Keep things simple.

  • Answer, to yourself, the question of “Who am I?” No one else outside of you can tell you what your essence is. Friends and advisers can point out patterns, traits, and characteristics, but only you can make the final determination of who you are.
  • Take risks! It is dangerous and unhealthy to not seek new awareness and perspectives. This is only a problem when you are attempting to escape a challenge. Again, change for changes sake isn’t taking a risk, it is simply avoidance.
  • Have fun! Life is a joyful experience. The key here is experience. Go, do, and be. Find new adventures and share them with people you love.
  • Seek guidance from those you see growing. Make it a point to find and talk to people who have knowledge on something you wish to learn about. It’s always fun to meet new people and absorb.

The key in all of this is to be true to you. Rarely does someone need a radical makeover. Most often it is a readjustment that will do the trick. Have a strong network of relationships, strong roots, and allow growth to happen. Remain open to new ideas and stay curious. With this as your foundation, you will surely thrive!

Growth, Change, and Relationships

Feb 19th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Photo Credit: Suyog Gaidhani via Flickr

Growth is sometimes painful. Although pain is not a prerequisite to growth, sometimes it happens. Ideally, we would all grow painlessly and effortlessly. It is an important ideal to shoot for and one to which we all aspire. A critical part of growth is flexibility and the willingness to change.

One of the most difficult aspects with growth can be the relationships in your life. If, for example, you decide to make a major change, every relationship you have will be affected. Some people will be inspired to change themselves as a result of your new found discoveries. Others, unfortunately, will be at the ready to pounce as soon as you show any sign of fear or insecurity. Why? Because your decision to change can make others insecure about their situation. 

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Photo credit:sillydog via Flickr

When you stretch, it can be uncomfortable. This discomfort does not mean the change you are making is wrong. It is simply a reminder of how long you have stayed in a familiar place. Here are some simple ways to gauge the level of support in your relationships:

  • Validation is vital. Growth can be scary. It is nice to know people in your life are empathetic. Hearing from someone who understands goes a long way to galvanizing your conviction.
  • Understanding, or the desire to understand, lets you know the other person really listens to you. 
  • Encouragement comes in many forms. Sometimes it is verbal. It can also come in the form of what is not said. When you clearly state goals to your friends, and know why you have these goals, you need encouragement. You will experience times when you simply want to acquiesce to the status quo. It is at these times the encouragement from vital relationships provides the added strength you need. If someone supports you giving up, the relationship is negative. 

The status quo is safe. Nothing changes. We can find security in not changing. Unfortunately it is impossible to experience joy, happiness, and success without taking risks. Make sure your relationships support you. 


Start the Year Off Right

Dec 29th, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
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This will be the Weekly Perspective this week but I also wanted to post this here. I realize there will be a lot of similar information available so this is my contribution. Enjoy!

It’s the beginning of a new year!

What does it mean to you?  Many of us think about changes we would like to make, commitments we want to keep, and positive habits we want to form.  

Unfortunately, many of us will stop any real progress we make in these endeavors through self-sabotage.

Here are some simple steps you can take to ensure successful goals in the upcoming year:

·      Find an internal motivation. Even if the initial push to change is a result of the counsel of someone else, find an internal and self-loving reason to make this change… and write it down.

·      Set tangible and measurable goals. 

·      Share your goals with someone who will support you, such as a good friend, a coach or a mentor.

·      Keep a written account of the steps you are taking to reach these goals.  No step is too small to track.  Remember to celebrate your progress.

You may have heard this advice before in some form.  There is a reason…

It works!

There is a ton of information and support available specifically designed to help you make the positive and permanent changes in your life.  Create a strong foundation by remembering why you are seeking changes.

A better life is what you deserve.

 

In the End, Relationships Count

Dec 9th, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
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The world can be very confusing. With the constant change, ideological differences, economic downturns,and rioting teenagers it can seem like there is nothing on which to hang hope. We can easily forget that the world has always experienced turmoil and upheaval in its continued growth and evolution. 

As segments of society struggle with their sometimes fractious need for superiority, there are some things on which we can rely. When we feel alone or misguided we can become grounded. 

Find friends with whom you

can laugh. Go to beautiful places that bring you joy. Finally, surround yourself with a loving family with whom you can share your life.

Count on the love in your relationships. At the very least they will carry you to something better.

The Learning Never Stops

Nov 28th, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
1 comment

What I love about life is that there is always a new experience, a new lesson, or a new relationship available. If we remain open and teachable, the Universe will provide the opportunities we are seeking. In this year alone, and there is still a month to go, I have experienced several things I never would have considered and formed many relationships with people I would never have met had I not decided to be open.I spent a part of July in British Columbia, attended two personal growth seminars, and travelled to Germany.This may not seem significant to some, but all of these actions required a definite paradigm shift for me. My awareness would never have shifted had I not expanded my base of relationships. It is so easy to get stuck in comfortable patterns. These patterns are very secure. However, until we allow ourselves to stretch beyond what we believe we are capable of, very little changes.

The lesson in all of this for me is to remain open. Look for the opportunities to grow and act on them. 

Committed to Change

Nov 11th, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
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San Diego and Coronado BridgeThis week I attended Advanced Breakthrough to Success, a seminar hosted by Jack Canfield. I had attended the Breakthrough to Success seminar in August and when the advanced version was offered, I jumped at the opportunity.

Jack is an amazing presenter. His teaching background is clear in his calm and patient approach. You want to listen to him and follow his guidance.

He also brought in other presenters to augment the work he is doing. One co-facilitator was Fred Johnson.Fred JohnsonFred was able to inspire and guide us through his amazing voice. His music connects with the spirit in ways difficult to describe.. I highly recommend following the above link and becoming familiar with his work.

Another amazing presenter was Jim Bunch.Jim is incredible. Through his humor, his compassion, and clear communication he was able to help several people. His presentation on the game of life is a definite paradigm shift. I look forward to exploring these concepts further.

There are several relationships I have developed as a result of my involvement in B.T.S. Some of these relationships will last a long time. Some will probably be encounters that had an impact from the week. Either way these connections are significant. 

If you are committed to change, opportunities will present themselves. Whether you are looking for a specific event or relationship, whatever is best for you will inevitably show up. What is our real responsibility? To be open and flexible. Make it simple by following a couple of steps:

  • Decide today that you want your life to continue to improve. 
  • Be committed to this decision.
  • Know what is your definition of happiness and success 

These are simple steps and certainly don’t explain the entire process. However it is a helluva good place to start!

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