perspective

Spring Clean Your Relationships: Simple Tools With Immediate Results

Apr 15th, 2010
by Clint Stonebraker.
1 comment

Today begins “Spring Cleaning Your Relationships” month.Between now and Mother’s Day, I will be sharing some simple tips and tools based on spring cleaning basics to repair or enhance any relationship. These tips and tools will be here, on my Facebook page, my Twitter posts, my You Tube channel, and my Weekly Perspectives on clintstonebraker.com. I would love for all of you to participate, so please make comments, ask questions, or just read along.I will also be making several appearances around Atlanta beginning on April 21st at The Coffee Pot in Alpharetta, Georgia. You can view my current schedule at clintstonebraker.com.

The Premise

Basic spring cleaning techniques involve removing clutter, organizing, scrubbing and polishing. We all know, getting started is the hardest part, yet in the end, we usually feel a whole lot better about our environment and ourselves. It is possible to apply these same simple methods to improve our relationships. Any spouse, romantic partner, friend, family member, boss or employee can immediately improve the quality of their relationships by following these four spring-cleaning basics:

  • remove the clutter (identify limiting beliefs)
  • organize (acknowledge and prioritize your needs)
  • scrub what’s dirty (take responsibility for one’s own behavior)
  • polish everything (pay close attention to everyday interactions)

How It Will Work

My posts over the next month will have a little different focus each week.

  • Week 1 (next week) will focus on romance and marriage
  • Week 2 will focus on  friendship
  • Week 3 will focus on business/work relationships
  • Week 4 will focus on family relationships

Check in often and participate. I look forward to hearing from all of you as we strengthen our connecting skills and Spring Clean Our Relationships!

Gratitude Post #6

Nov 25th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Alas, we have reached the final week of gratitude posts. I hope you have enjoyed this tradition as much as I have. I also hope this has helped you to see your life with a little better perspective. Let’s all commit to stay more aware of the good in our lives and help to share that with others. Week 6, here goes:

  1. I am grateful to be physically, spiritually, and mentally healthy and fit
  2. I am grateful to have a beautiful family to share my life with
  3. I am grateful to have crossed paths with so many wonderful people
  4. I am grateful for all of the vocational opportunities I have
  5. I am grateful for the perspective I have gained from some trying experiences in my life

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Holiday season. Take the time to share joy and happiness with anyone you come across. This is one way we can all make a difference.

Emotional Yoga

Jun 19th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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“The boldness of asking deep questions may require unforeseen flexibility if we are to accept the answers.” ~ Brian Greene

One of the primary purposes of yoga is to create flexibility and strength in the body. The same exercise is needed for our emotional well-being. Our emotional well-being is the primary key in building strong, healthy relationships. When we live in any degree of fear, we become defensive and rigid. We hold on to antiquated belief systems because they are familiar and safe. We follow our scripting because the direction is obvious and seems to be a low risk proposition.

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We always have the option to change our perspective. We also always have the option to broaden our horizons and expand our exposure to different ideas. When we are able to do this, we break the cycle of rigidity. By breaking this cycle we exercise our emotional muscles. The stronger and more flexible our emotional muscles become, the more we expand our ability to be open to intimacy. We no longer have to remain stuck in our patterns and we can allow our capacity of love to grow without any self-imposed limitations. I know that my ability to welcome new relationships is contingent upon my ability to be flexible. I also know that if I don’t want my current relationships to stagnate, I must continue to be willing to grow and change.

•    The two greatest motivators are love and fear
•    The willingness to risk a relationship due to different opinions is rooted in irrational fear
•    Love creates more love
•    If life seems difficult, it is due to your resistance to change

Be willing to stretch. This discomfort will lead to unexpected opportunities for unimaginable growth. The connections you will make as a result of your pliancy will be a reminder of the value of unity.

Realizing What’s Important

Jan 12th, 2009
by Clint Stonebraker.
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An Old CoupleI love anything that changes my perspective. Sometimes that change comes from reading a great story or article. A perspective change can come from a great movie. We can be moved by a conversation with someone whom we respect. Most often this change comes as a result of a strong connection with a person we love.

We often spend so much time making plans that we forget to experience what is happening right now. Our life. No matter what goals we set, regrets we hold on to, or resentments we allow to fester the fact is that the moment in which we truly exist is now. Am I going to use this moment to be afraid of who or what may be coming? Or will I use it to remember what really matters to me? Here are some simple perspective changers:

You Will Die: No matter how much denial we attempt to build, this is inevitable. Once this fact is accepted I am left with a simple choice. Will I fearfully wait for this moment to arrive or will I use this awareness to experience as much of life as possible.

They Don’t Care: Those who you spend your time resenting and trying to hurt forgot about you a long long time ago. I have learned this lesson over and over again. I somehow convince myself that I am that important and that whatever it was that hurt me had an equal impact on the life of whoever caused my pain. The bottom line is that if I hurt, it is because I choose to hold on. I always have the option to let go and move on with my life.

Your Kids Don’t Care How Hard Your Day Was: Nor should they. They love you. They want and deserve your undivided attention. When you leave the office, call, or appointment leave it behind you.

Your Spouse Doesn’t Know How You Feel Unless You Say It: Say I love you because uttering the three most powerful words in our language makes you feel good. Don’t take for granted that your partner just “knows” how you feel. They don’t. Show them and tell them.

Perspective is a choice. Although difficult and painful experiences provide perspective change there are other ways. We all have our idea of what a loving and caring person would look like. The most effective way to change one’s perspective is to be that person.

One Foot in Yesterday……..

Dec 19th, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
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Have you taken the time to absolutely enjoy this magical time of year? While driving around yesterday to wrap up some last minute holiday responsibilities I reminded myself of how fun the end of the year has always been. From Halloween all the way through New Year’s Day is an opportunity to both reflect and plan ahead. What makes it truly fun is doing this while staying in the now. Where people tend to get themselves into trouble is when they look back with remorse and regret and look forward with fear and dread(would you like some more ands?).

The now is the magic. My reflection gives me perspective. My planning gives me hope. When I am in the now. So by all means take stock of what you have done, accomplished, and fixed. Look forward to new challenges, adventures, and relationships. Place a foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow. Except this time BLESS all over today.

 

My 40th in Germany!

Oct 23rd, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
5 comments

As the years fly by, my birthdays have certainly lost some of their significance. Not in a depressing “ain’t it awful” kind of way, but in an “it’s just not as exciting” kind of a way. I am grateful to be forty. I think it is a wonderful “milestone” age. Spending my birthday in Germany makes it that much cooler. Spending it in Germany with Wendy and Shelby sends it over the top.We have had a tremendous amount of fun. We began our journey in Heidelberg. It was a fabulous city, albeit a bit touristy. We took a 15 mile bike ride to the town of Ladenburg in which there were no tourists. It was fun to venture off on our own. This tour is called  “Once Upon a Fairy Tale”, so as you can imagine we have experienced various activities that support that theme. We have toured three castles so far and been to many of the locations that the brothers Grimm used as an inspiration as they gathered tales from all over Europe.Experiencing the culture of this beautiful country has certainly widened my perspective. I have committed myself to stretching my levels of emotional comfort and a trip like this certainly accomplishes that goal. As our journey continues, I am looking forward to the further broadening of my perspectives.

How’s Your Day?

Sep 15th, 2008
by Clint Stonebraker.
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What have you done today? Did you spend a lot of time complaining? Were you consumed with self-pity? Did you obsess on what other people may have been thinking about you? Were you indignant? Rebellious? 

Or did you make it a point to praise someone? Did you think about ways you could help someone? Did you compliment another person to a third-party? Were you open and loving? Cooperative?

Here’s my point. When circumstances are somewhat “normal”, you are in complete control of the condition of your day. Even when there are unexpected circumstances you are in control of your reactions or responses. If today is sub-par or down right sucks, take a moment and pause. Take a look at the questions above and determine which state of mind represents you today. If you’ve been a cynical and negative asshole and feel bad, change your perspective. Start right now. The people who love and care about you are waiting…….