The biggest challenge facing people in establishing intimacy is having the willingness to let go of what no longer serves them: fear being the most powerful. If someone actually realizes no one wants to be around him, the solution is to take a look within and begin the process of letting go of the perceptions, ideas, and fears creating the isolation. Isolation is scary, and nothing breaks the human spirit faster. There is a reason prisons use isolation as a means of punishing inmates who break the prison rules. When a person who already feels isolated is left alone with his thoughts, regrets, and fears, he will reach a state of hopelessness.
Anyone is capable of reaching a state of openness and vulnerability.When a person has a desire to connect with others, he can then find the courage to begin taking a look at the blocks standing in his way. He will seek out people who can help him change his perceptions and preconceived judgments. He can discover what is truly important and begin to build a life based on the solid foundation of these principles. Intimacy will begin to become more of a natural state of being rather than something avoided. Finally, he can realize that through every intimate relationship formed, he becomes more and more capable of achieving the life of his dreams.
- People remain stuck in a pattern of unhappiness when they are slaves to their fears.
- A key to responding positively to fear is establishing clear communication.
- A major challenge in establishing intimacy is learning to let go of fearful thinking.
A simple exercise to begin the process of letting go of fears that negatively affect relationships includes:
- List five fears you know have affected your relationships
- List five fearful behaviors you have changed and the effect this has had on your relationships. If you can’t think of any, list some fearful behaviors you want to change.
- Commit to letting go of at least one irrational fear you have held on to. Begin the process of letting go of this fear immediately. Consult with someone to devise a plan of action.
These simple tools can make a tremendous difference in anyone’s ability to establish closer relationships. It is possible to break the cycle of loneliness and isolation. These tools can be a powerful beginning.